SuburbanAdventure

A friend of my father and brother is raising money to adopt a child from East Asia by selling lollipops.  Apparently all adopted children in the US are tards and he and his wife weren’t going for that.  I’ve been asked to take a box of lollipops into work to sell.  I’m trying to figure [...]

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Sam’s current girlfriend and I talked for 20 minutes with either of us shooting laser beams from our eyes, breathing fire or resorting to 3rd grade insults.  Like a house of cards, no one said anything, for fear of a speck of dust or sun mote destroying the fragile peace.  Danger appeared when I failed [...]

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I’m really growing attached to the “Be A Winner” Stationary BMS has given us.  When I got a note that said “Samples do not meet spec, redo” with “Be a Winner” under it, I wasn’t offended.  I think HR should use these when dispensing employees:
-”Johnson, you’re fired”, “Be a Winner”
-”Your project budget has been rejected”, [...]

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We’re doing Romanticism in IH and most of the last few weeks has been reading poetry.  Not that I’m a philistine, but I think students have the embedded idea that one can’t be wrong about poetry in the same way as interpreting Two Treatises on Government by John Locke.  Anyway, I figure rather than fighting [...]

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I successfully made it about 12 feet from my driveway before I started sliding wildly (I’m certain my tires may rival Teflon for a low coefficient of friction) and pulled out my phone to call my boss but was delayed by a voicemail from my boss stating he couldn’t leave his driveway and I didn’t [...]

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CPR Training dummies consist of the non-descript torso of a person and head with a chest that clicks so you know a chest compression was done properly.  Additionally, as part of proper CPR one must send someone for help and tell them any important details about he victim as possible.  During my assessment I used [...]

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Our firm has recently instituted a series of cost-cutting measures which in the midst we received literally hundreds of sticky notes with dumb slogans on the bottom to which I’ve created insurgent responses:
Example:
The winner: Is always part of the solution, the loser is always part of the problem
Response: The winner is always part of the [...]

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I lost my left glove in the movie theater.  I really liked those gloves, partly because they were warm, partly because they were inexpensive, partly because they had really long cuffs and didn’t leave that 1/4 inch of exposed flesh that froze if you put your gloves on after your coat.  While searching for it, [...]

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The 5-C tournament had more participants than the T2 Tournament.  Tee hee hee.  Anyway, while playing against another player’s B team, we got rather noisy, which is par for me and a bit of crowd gathered to see basic land after basic land come into play and horrible common creatures like Silkwing Scout deliver beatings. [...]

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Both the inbound and outbound trains were running late today and when exiting the R3 at Temple, a man ran up to me.
Man: I saw you earlier and I wanted to say good job.
Me: For what?
Man: For sticking it to ‘em.
Me: *silence**silence**silence* Thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT! Who am I possibly sticking it [...]

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