SuburbanAdventure

We recently reached an impasse in the new fake poo formulation and were discussing it over lunch with comments like “we need more fat to hold it together, how about adding shortening?” or “try it with less peanut butter”.  After freewheeling a couple of these ideas for better poo I overheard an obese woman say [...]

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While atlatlry was a double-edge sword of fun and sunburn.  Shaving with sunburn is one of my least favorite past-times but in that it was my mother’s birthday, I wasn’t going to let her laugh at me over ribs at the Churchville Inn.  I applied shaving cream and set to task with my Shick Quattro.  [...]

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The atlatl range was wildly popular at the Camporee with approximately 4500 darts having been launched.  Part of the success was the simplified atlatl that used a Y-shaped dart holder in the front that were simply held in place with friction.  Late in the day, some groups went through repeatedly and one kid began annoying [...]

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The precision fart detector has to be shipped out and I brought all the parts down to the warehouse to ship everything.  I was worried that the parts weren’t going to be shipped that day so I talked the shipping manager.
Him: How important is this stuff?
Me: That’ll explode if that doesn’t get service, that piece’s [...]

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Bring your child to work day- we tell the kids about colostomies and they’re pretty cool with it, then the questions come.
Child: If you have colostomy, can you lose your anus?
Kate: Yes, if you have rectal cancer the doctors might remove your anus.
Child: Then if you’re a girl, how can you have a baby?
Kate: *without [...]

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The precision fart generator at work has been acting up and we’ve had the designer come out to service it.  He was confident he could find the problem quickly.  After about 5 hours of fiddling I walked by a whispered to him “It can smell fear, it heard you talking trash and broke itself to [...]

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I had to speak with my IH0052 about the final I was going to miss and after following him in I attempted to leave and was quickly baffled by the dizzying array of doors, elevators, armed guards, and one way passages in the sarcophagus of education.  Never having been in the Anderson Building of Social [...]

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The re-scheduled Spring Fling went off without a hitch as the wonderful juxtaposition of PETA next to the National Guard next to Ih Phelta Thi or some other fraternity.  Gamma Iota Sigma, the risk management fraternity, ran a Monte Carlo station where if you won 5 hands of single deck blackjack in a row you [...]

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It’s Monday, meaning I had chicken nuggets and tater tots (sorry tater treats, stupid generic brands). I remove them from the toaster oven and drop one like a champ.  Normally I’d eat it but my dad was there.  I pass the near flaming tot to my dog who sniffs, determine its consumability and devours it.  [...]

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I called department heads about the May 5th Leader Meeting and spoke with most for about 3 minutes, the exception was Howard Kay, clocking in at 1:34:05.  Half way through the conversation I reach down to grab something from the floor, hit my head on the desk on the way back up and my nose [...]

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