SuburbanAdventure

I showed someone the pictures of the beat-to-shit Matrix and a “my car’s better fight” quickly broke out.  My foe did have a patently better car, I think a Maserati or a Kia or something:Me: My car gets 34 mpg.
Him: Mine gets 34 mpg, city (burn!) and can seat 4 comfortably.
Me: My car can seat [...]

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We went out to lunch today and I discovered the intricate kibuki dance of eating at a corporate function:
1) Get an appetizer that consists of a fried vegetable, okay.  Appetizer that consists of a fried animal, that’s just unhealthy.  The one that confused me the most was the looks at getting mozzarella sticks but cheese [...]

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I hate people who won’t wake up to their own alarm clocks.  My brother fell victim to my pet-peeve this afternoon.
Failure to Wake Response 1: Bang on door
Failure to Wake Response 2: Playing “everybody have fun tonight” by Wang Chung (it matched the beat)
Failure to Wake Response 3: 30-second Cow Bell Solo
Failure to Wake Response [...]

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A coworker mentioned to me that he nearly got in an accident slowing down approaching a speed trap.
Me: Isn’t that the one manned by the faux-cop?
Him: Today it looked different so I assumed there was a real cop.
On my way home I checked, the fake cop’s hat had fallen off.

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My 2006 Toyota Matrix arrived today. See it in its glory:

Now before you jump all over me with “but it has no fender, grill, hood, light assemblies, radiator, or driver airbag” I’d like you to see that it does contain all the correct fuses and “Runs and Drives” clearly marked on the windshield. [...]

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I left work a bit early to buy a new umbrella.  I really like accessories, and in this case, remembered my Boscov’s coupon.  I grab the 25 foot wide golf umbrella and bring it to the cashier and present my coupon.
Her: I’m sorry sir, this coupon is only valid for men’s accessories.
Me: It’s an umbrella, [...]

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I went to a 2-hour Eagle Court of Honor today.  If I ever hear the words “Scoutings highest honor” again, I’m going to stab someone.  Eagle isn’t the highest honor, it’s the highest rank.  I’m pretty sure the Distinguished Eagle, the 20-Year Hornaday Award, the Silver Buffalo, the Distinguished Service Award, and Insect Study all [...]

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Medical emergencies happen at work in waves.  I’ve been on the EMRT on and off for a year or so.  During which I’ve never had just 1 incident in a day, either 0 or like 4.  Today was not a 0 day.  The first call came early and a man was complaining of gut pain [...]

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Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday in Manhattan, New York.  Here’s a wonderful list of witticisms that we shant hear ever again.  My fear of finishing all of his works before I die has become eminent.
Today’s Highlight:  If I’m lucky, and the stars were in the right position, I might have gotten a positive grade on my [...]

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Tonight’s pork chops were terrible, I had to down a half a box of cereal to get the taste out of my mouth.

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