I pop my head off the pillow at 7:30 AM and my lacrimal sacs are the size of limes. It appears my ascetic camp lifestyle has collided with my mold laden house to remind me that no degree of egotism can fend off mold allergies. I’m sneezing twice a minute and I do the most reasonable thing to stop my allergies: Take Actuarial Exam M now rather than after four hours of studying and sacrifice any chance at passage to stop the stupid sneezing. I arrive at the Thompson Learning Center and am nearly strip searched to verify that I’m not bringing in a blacklisted calculator or crib sheet and escort to the cell block/test-taking area where I begin to attack the three-hour juggernaut that’s about to crush me. And crush me it did as I just barely escaped breaking the colobus barrier. For the initiated, the colobus barrier is grade that random guessing would yield on an exam or equivalently if a colobus monkey took it. For this, a four choice exam of 30 questions, the colobus barrier would be passed at about 7 or 8 questions. I’m confident I got 10, sticking it to our genetic cousins. Actuarial Exams are odd in that the higher they go in progression the more infantile the questions. Exam P, the first one, involves risk calculations on hurricanes destroying small nations whereas Exam FM, the second, revolves around investment instruments for pools of people. Exam M involves questions about septuagenarian mall walkers picking up coins with a certain distribution. The 9th exam must consist of successfully completing a choose your own adventure with the 10th and final exam including a coloring book.