In a recent meeting where we nearly got a Sundae Bar, we were also told we needed to clean up the labs to be more “efficient”. Crazy Germans. Anyway, as the whole building was cleaning I was continually bombarded with the following: “Can the Boy Scouts use” followed by something of varying utility. Here’s a list of what I was offered:

• Array of plastic bins (taken)
• 200 foot roll of polyurethane foam (not taken, too big)
• Collection of bottles that clearly looked like they were meant to store bleach (water bottles!)
• High Pressure Liquid Chromatography set-up (not taken, I don’t care if Science can use it)
• 200 bottles of hypoallergenic hand cream (taken, I now have very smooth hands and so can you)
• Cardboard cores (taken, must find use for them)
• 8000 glass pipettes (not taken, 8000?)

There were a few others but I nearly unplugged my phone after I was offered 14 high stretch fistula straps which are essentially surgical sumo diapers.