I contacted Merry Maids, a contract cleaning service, to get a quotation on how much it’d cost to clean our house professionally so it’d be to a point where I’d feel comfortable trying to maintain it. A service rep came to the house and immediately launched into a spiel:
Me: Sir, can we just start doing the estimate? I consider time valuable.
Him: You don’t want to hear about our all natural cleaning products?
Me: No, all natural means next to nothing. Arsenic and cyanide are quite natural but I’d have you arrested if you tried to clean my house with them.
Him: Oh. We’re also bonded.
Me: That’s super. If you break anything, you’re still going to pay for it. Bonding just means you can break bigger things and I get a check from your insurance company.
Later, we completed a walk through during which he said “oh dear” at least twice. He gave me an initial quotation, I put down a deposit and then:
Him: Mr. Robinson, we’re going to transform this house.
Me: You better.
Him: When would you like us to start biweekly visits after the initial cleaning?
Me: Woah, buddy that’s a bit presumptuous.
Him: What do you mean, sir?
Me: Well, you’re implying either A) you won’t clean everything you need to during the initial visit where I’ve said keep going until you’re done or B) you think we’re slovenly enough that we’ll return to this disheveled state within two weeks. Either way, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Let’s wait.