Today I mourned the loss of an iron-clad rule of test-taking: that the answer to a multiple choice question must fit grammatically into the question.  For instance, if the question is “Jill decided to fellate, or ____ the officer rather than getting the speeding ticket.” And the possible answers are Vermillion, Perform Fallatio, Running, and Wenkle Rotary Engine, it’s easy to rule out the 1st and 4th as they answer must be a verb.  Not so when your instructor is from the land of curry and the Bhagavad-Gita.  Anything goes!  Question: “_____ allow the manager to properly sources costs to its maker.”  Answer? Cost-Allocation Systemizes!

I tried the atlatl for the first time.  BETTER THAN SEX!  It is the world’s least graceful projectile but makes almost no noise as it lands.  This means I could be walking around Temple’s campus, unleash an atlatl dart on some trailer tornado-bait white trash skank mama and disappear into the multitudes and escape unscathed.  During the evening, Dave came over and after driving around discovered that Feasterville has few good night atlatl practice areas.  I plan on writing the township about this.

Ryan has been doing a lot of the cooking recently so I prepared marinaded pork for him, my father and I.  I prepared this in my typical way:  A pan sear in a cast iron skillet for 90 seconds a side followed by 2 minutes in an oven set to kill (500°F).  Little did I realize how long I had left the skillet on the burner top on high as later I would discover that the iron was oxidizing off.  Anyway, I add some salt and peanut oil and turn my head only to hear a “woof” followed by a nutty smell.  I’m pretty sure my dad saw this coming as he went to open the door for me.  How did I get a 800°F cast iron pan out the door you may ask?  Because like any incompetent chef I use flame proof welding gloves instead of pot holders.  Fuck you, Martha Stewart Everyday.

I’m halfway through Malcolm Gladwell’s superb book Blink and stumbled upon the Harvard’s Project Implicit (try it here). I took the race exam which determines if there is an association between White Europeans and harmless objects or Blacks and weapons and discovered something disturbing: no, not that I have a deep-seated belief that blacks are violent but in 3 out of 4 cases I categorized a cell phone as a weapon.

My atlatl has arrived.  Atlatl’s are a primative weapon that was used by those in the neolithic era as a technological advancement over the spear.  The atlatl has also recently been legalized for hunting in Pennsylvania and after stealing my brother’s hunting journal have bronzed the article.  Note to reader: don’t bronze flammable materials, you just get a lump of bronze.  I over came this by rewriting the headline of the article in a Sharpie on said lump of bronze.   Later I talked with a bow enthusiast friend and he swore up and down that there’s no way a piece of bamboo and a dart could take down a deer.  I agreed with him, that it probably could take down a 170 lb deer at 50 ft, so I’d have to settle for being able to take down a 4 ton mastadon at 150 feet.  Damn.

Casual Male has always been my clothier of last resort due to their prices and odd locations but a few months back when I purchased a shirt under considerable duress they were the only game in town.  Shortly after purchasing the shirt developed a very clear rip along the seaming of the shoulder, something very difficult to due unless you’re going Bruce Banner on the damn thing.  I attempted to return it for a replacement today and was rebuffed when I couldn’t prove it was from Casual Male:
Me: But it’s from your store
Him: I’m sorry, sir.  But without a receipt we’re not certain it didn’t come from another retailer
Me: Inner Harbor is a private label brand, it’s only sold by Casual Male.
Him: I don’t believe that’s the case, sir.  Many of brands can be found in other retailers at considerably higher brands
Me: Yes, maybe Izod, Hugo Boss, Dockers are but Inner Harbor is only found in Casual Male.
Him: The only way I could verify that is if it the item says Casual Male on it.
Me: It does! It’s Inner Harbor… *sigh, leave with head down sulking in the rain*Because we all know how more of Route 66 jeans would be sold if instead of the embossed leather hind-panel instead they had a big fuckin’ plastic K stapled to the back pocket that said “For Trailer Trash, by Trailer Trash” or if Aldi’s Olympia brand instead said “Aldi’s, we’re European, biotch!”

Casual Male has always been my clothier of last resort due to their prices and odd locations but a few months back when I purchased a shirt under considerable duress they were the only game in town.  Shortly after purchasing the shirt developed a very clear rip along the seaming of the shoulder, something very difficult to due unless you’re going Bruce Banner on the damn thing.  I attempted to return it for a replacement today and was rebuffed when I couldn’t prove it was from Casual Male:
Me: But it’s from your store
Him: I’m sorry, sir.  But without a receipt we’re not certain it didn’t come from another retailer
Me: Inner Harbor is a private label brand, it’s only sold by Casual Male.
Him: I don’t believe that’s the case, sir.  Many of brands can be found in other retailers at considerably higher brands
Me: Yes, maybe Izod, Hugo Boss, Dockers are but Inner Harbor is only found in Casual Male.
Him: The only way I could verify that is if it the item says Casual Male on it.
Me: It does! It’s Inner Harbor… *sigh, leave with head down sulking in the rain*Because we all know how more of Route 66 jeans would be sold if instead of the embossed leather hind-panel instead they had a big fuckin’ plastic K stapled to the back pocket that said “For Trailer Trash, by Trailer Trash” or if Aldi’s Olympia brand instead said “Aldi’s, we’re European, biotch!”