Me: Hello, my name’s Terry Robinson and I recently ordered a glowing umbrella, order number X. I didn’t receive it with the order and the shipping receipt only lists 1 box.
ThinkGeek Guy: It wasn’t in the box? We check each package before shipping.
Me: No. I’m certain it wasn’t in the box.
ThinkGeek Guy: Sometimes the packing material makes it tough to find, are you sure you’ve completely emptied the box?
Me: Yes, I’m certain.
Think Geek Guy: Sir, you may lodge an investigation with DHL@Home at the following number, blah blah blah.
Me: I didn’t get it because you never sent it! It’s a god damn 48 inch umbrella, I received a 18x18x18 box. There’s no god damn way to fit a 4 foot umbella is a 1.5 foot box without breaking math and/or physics. I know you guys bill yourselves as smart but give me a god damn break.
Think Geek Guy: One moment….. okay, the order number for your free replacement is XXXX.

For the record, this is the only time I’ve ever successfully argued that I didn’t receive something.

My computer’s been making an odd noise and today I found that it was the fan on my graphics card.  I tried to clean it, and get the annoying buzz to stop I popped out the fan and gave it a thorough dedusting during which I lost one of the peg standoffs.  After putting the card back in the computer, the buzzing was much louder, so, while running, I started jabbing at the fan with a precision screw driver trying to dislodge what could be making the noise.  Despite my grace and agility, I lost hold of screw driver after it was stuck under the fan and the spinning fan launched the screw driver into my case fan while the GPU fan spun down to a halt.  So, I performed a tried and true ritual of the DIY computer owner: I lied to tech support.
Tech Support: “Sir, do you see anything under the fan”
Me: Seeing piece of dislodged fan plastic, “No, nothing”
Tech Support: “That’s odd, usually the blades only have problems if a user tries to access the fan, have you sir”
Me: “Not at all, I don’t even have a screw driver”
Tech Support: “I’m sorry Mr. Robinson, we’ll send a replacement soon.”