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The surgeon was in a fine mood when we talked about the recovery times and limitations of my dual gynocomastectomies and abdominoplasty.  He’d be making an incision from hip bone to hip bone which would take six months to fade and one below each of my man-boobs that would be white in an equally long time.  There would be drains in me for two weeks or so and I’d need to get very comfortable sitting rather than lying down.

The surgery didn’t sound pleasant but the most painful incision would be to my wallet.  I was dressed in a gown and booties on an exam table when I was asked how I wanted to pay.  I said I wanted to arrange credit terms and was told this needed to be done ahead of time.  I said I’d then need to delay the surgery but the receptionist had an idea.  She handed me an iPad with the webpage for a medical loan firm on screen and I placed a quick call to my father to get his driver’s license number.  The form completed, I hit submit and moments later I was approved for a $12,000 loan.

I received a $12,000 line of credit while in a surgical gown on an exam table.

When did the future get here?

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My father has taken to his iPad and probably uses it two to three times a week which I consider a lot for him.  Today he presented the device to me and said he could bring up the keyboard and I confirmed that he couldn’t.  I poked at a number of things and when switching windows the OSK would pop up for a moment and I eventually got into a near-physical struggle to keep the keyboard on screen.  After poking around I found the problem:  The iPad was connecting to the Bluetooth wireless keyboard of my iMac a floor and a room away.  The war on cords took another casualty.

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Dad: Terry,  I need to find a restaurant in Chadds Ford, but none of the buttons on the iPad seem to do that.
Me: I could load something on that could do it.
Dad: I don’t want a new button for every thing I do.
Me: You could just use the web browser.  That’ll almost always do the job.
Dad: What button is that?
Me: It’s labeled Safari and it’s a web browser.  There will be a search bar in the corner, just type what you need and point your way to victory.  If you run into problems, search again.
Dad:  Seems like that button could replace all the others.  Is it catching on?
Me: You could say that.

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My father received an iPad yesterday and he used it unaided for a solid 15 minutes.  At one point in the evening my father showed my mother a video, she indicated that playing a YouTube video at a holiday part was rude to which I replied “let him flourish.  And give me my happiness!”

I came down stairs this morning at the crack of noon and the Ipad was on the table.  I could tell from the streaks on the stream that he’s used it so I unlocked the device and saw that he’d been watching videos of trucks fording creeks that were far too deep for them.  Thank you, Steve.

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Dad: Mom wants a laptop like mine.
Me: Ok, I can find another.
Dad: I was thinking of getting something with a touch screen.  I don’t really like the keyboard thing.  I see ads for some pad computer that looks sharp.
Me: You want an iPad?
Dad: I think, I’ve got to try another thing.
Me: I did not pay the Internet bill for the last 8 years so you could waltz in with your fancy tablet like you own the god damn Internet.  If you’re going to learn how to use a computer, you’re going to use a big boy computer and unless you plan on also getting an espresso machine and a pair of Birkenstocks, you’re not going to get an iPad.
Dad: If I get one,  I’ll give you my laptop so you can give it to mom as a Christmas gift and avoid asking her what she wants.
Me: Deal.

Sometimes my dad is a latter-day Kissinger.