The Office 2007 interface has been much maligned despite what I think is its GUI splendor.  Despite having some installation problems, I’ve come to love the way the ribbon interface rewards exploration and cuts click-paths from 1-7 clicks to 2-3.  At the lodge executive board meeting, the uphill battle faced by UI designers hit home as I was trying to help someone change some things about the lodge minutes.  He’s a normally sharp kid but apparently had been enraptured by the hatred of the ribbon.

Him: How do I change the margins this way?  Everything’s so hard.
Me: Click over a tab.
Him: What tab?
Me: See that thing at the top.
Him: Yeah.
Me: Where there’s a bunch in a row that correspond to large categories of document modification.
Him: Yeah.
Me: Where if you hit tab you move over one.
Him: Yeah.
Me: That’s a tab.
Him: Oh.  Okay.  So how do I change the margins in this “print tab” (he actually used air quotes)
Me: Click margin.  And pick the one you want, you can even preview what it’ll look like by doing a mouse-over.
Him: Oh.  Why didn’t I know this before.
Me: Fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of the new.  Embrace it, and you shall become an Office Ninja.
Him: One day, Terry.  One day.

My computer class required me to make a PowerPoint presentation and sell my soul.  I’ve always been a powerpoint minimalist, a Steve Reich or Phillip Glass.  When I’m doing a presentation I am the center of attention and the slide merely contains words so forceful my lungs alone cannot imbue them with enough force.  I use images to amuse and themes merely because it seems to be required these days and to keep things apart stylistically if I’m doing more than one training session.

This class required the following:

  • 8 clipart images (look at me, art from 1995!)
  • 4 different slide transitions (slide transitions are the gateway drug to animations)
  • 5 animations (slide animations are to boring presenters as breathmints are to the alcoholic)
  • 1 sound clip,  this is a funny one.  I didn’t know what I was supposed to use as a “boink” noise during a slide change is ridiculous and anything else isn’t topical.  So, I included Patton Oswalt’s bit on TiVo (the presentation was on TiVo), apparently he wanted a “boink” noise.
  • Appropriate titles, this one agreed with, so I decided to go with “TiVo: How they Make the Benjamins” followed by “TiVo: How They’ll Make the Salmon P. Chases” (go $10000 bill)
  • 2 Smart Objects, if you’ve ever used a Smart Object you’ll understand the irony of the name.  I had an organizational chart with a box with 4 subordinates.  The main box was 24 point, as soon as I added a 5th subordinate the font size of the main box dropped to 16.  WTF…

My guerrilla presentation went over well, except for the 39 f-bombs Patton Oswalt used.