I’m at camp waiting for Tom to return from a dinner-date with Bill and I quickly grow bored, seeking out Anthony Celona to do something dumb and moments later I strike gold. Anthony, a backwoods hick-youth, someone that I trust will someday be called Bubba and a nice woman with multiple sclerosis all sitting around a compound bow with a number of razor-tipped arrows wondering what said arrows could go through. I crossed fingers and cheered when I saw apples in the kitchen and while waiting for a grisly William Tell parody a responsible adult broke in with a Disney DVD ending my fun. I then walked to Memorial Lodge and subtly mocked Zack Kantner for not having shaved. I stopped once I found that Tom had accosted him for the same reason and I refuse to be follow in Tom’s footsteps.
Whenever I take notes for a meeting I add at least two notes that make no sense to the meeting agenda in the form of random facts, quotes or segments of musicals. I also do this with papers for teachers who I think are lazy and in one case a particularly fat teacher receive a paper where the first letter of each line formed the acrostic word “chocolate” in the first paragraph of each page. I’ve never been called on this before as minutes are generally never read. Tuesday I took minutes for the Playwicki District Committee Meeting and sent out the minutes today. Of the meeting attendees, 11 were volunteers and 3 were professionals of some stripe, of those none of the professionals noted any changes but 8 of the 11 volunteers did. 8 out of 11. This act has singlehandedly saved my failing faith in the District as an organization unit in Scouting. For reference, the two lines added were:
1) The opossum is the only marsupial in American.
2) (Under the news section) What’s in the daily news? I’ll tell you what’s in the daily news! A guy buys his wife a diamond ring with what have otherwise been his FOS dues. That’s what’s in the daily news.
Four of the 8 even identified Guys and Dolls as the source of the 2nd quote.
The head of the Church at which the new Pack meets just purchased a teh nutz home theatre system with 7.2 channel sound, blu-ray DVD player, dual satellite feed and a 65″ plasma screen. He offers me $50 to set up the system, I agree, but upon arrival see that the DirecTV guy has set up damn near everything. I ask the pastor what the problem is and he says the sound only comes out of two speakers and he’s been trying to fix it for hours. He leaves me with the system and I realize that the two speakers he’s hearing from his 2 billion watt speaker set-up are the ones built into the TV. I hit the “output type” button in the remote and all 9 speakers start blaring Worship TV. The pastor’s already given me the $50 and I can’t possibly take it after 2 minutes of work, so I suck in my gut and remember the Scout Oath and Law: A Scout is Thrifty and a Scout is Courteous. I decide not to break the pastor’s heart as he seems to consider himself tech savvy and fiddle with the cables and set my watch for a 25 minute countdown while selectively disconnecting speakers and devices as he returns and watches in wonder the surgery I’m performing. My watch dings, I plug in the last cable, I hit the button and 700 watts of the 700 Club thunders through the condo. Pat Robertson never sounded so good.
We ran an open house for the Cub Pack we’re attempting to start which was a complete waste of time. The fact that no one attended gave me the time to thumb through the church’s children’s library donations. Boxes after boxes of harlequin, bodice ripper, romance novels. Boxes, easily hundreds. This is coming from a Reformed Catholic Church, that’s the American version of Calvinism. Better yet, the books were from a number of copyright years. I can’t wait for their toy drive to see the boxes and boxes of dildos and vibrators.
I shat myself in Joy Reading this:Â MPAA Violates Copyright
I apologize for forgetting to add this, pardon.
“Terry, the stuff I sent you a week ago isn’t on the webpage yet.”
“Can you hold on a second, let me end the call on the other side”
:”Sure” *Hit mute button and run to computer, opening FrontPage and connecting to OSR server*
“You there?” *end mute*
“Yeah”
“Well?” *Open main page and turn 2007 to 2008 on insurance page*
“I’ve updated it, hit refresh, you might be looking at an old copy”
“There it is, let me to check the reference code” Shit, there’s a reference code “Well, everything looks good, thanks”
Apparently, the only person lazier than me and my failure to update Ockanickon.org is the insurance company and their refusal to change the policy number from year to year, woo ha!
I’m eating a donut while walking on my treadmill. In 40 minutes, It’ll balance out.
My family uses drinking offensively to defer chores. If you’re shit faced, you can’t be chosen to drive when everyone gets hungry. Today, we sat around discussing dinner when my brother decided he wasn’t cooking and immediately started downing pounders while my dad started to mix double screw-drivers. The drinking intensified as the target foodstuff became more and more distant and by the time we decided my brother had a BAC of 0.20 and I was picking up cocktail weenies from the Airport. I killed sometime, elevation fell and I drove to Arby’s.
I’ve been thinking about buying a text book as a reference for the class until I found today a receipt from Amazon for it in my “to file” paperwork bin. I tore my house apart (well, re-arranged the crap) looking for it to no success. Then I go to thinking I may never have received it and went about ordering a new one and putting in a complaint with Amazon. Until I saw that I’d left feedback: “Ridiculously good condition. Still in shrink-wrap. Perfect”. I have absolutely no memory of ever having received the book and talked about it to one of my peers when she told me that she’d borrowed it from me and I made copies of a page after she’d forgotten to. I emailed another act. sci major to see if I could borrow his until I got a new copy and he replied with the PDF I had apparently made and distributed so no one else would have to buy it. So not only do I have absolutely no memory of buying, receiving, scanning, loan and re-receiving the book, but I have no memory of violating copyright law. I wonder if that’d work as a defense when the RIAA bursts through the door.
I serve as a commissioner for a unit in Newtown with a new Scoutmaster and today they built a catapult. Catapult is a bit of an overstatement, it was more of a lever of death which had equal chances killing the operator versus target based on the sickly wood and D-student lashings. During the entire build process I stood in front of the device talking with the unit leaders until the device was done where I continued to stand in front and talk to the leaders that kept looking back anxiously at the siege weapon being constructed. I continue standing in front of the device as the leaders edged back and stood my ground as the device was test fired. The Scouts heaved mightily but as the basket lifted, the payload shifted, the basket rotated and a grapefruit-sized rock hits some kid in the junk.
Unit Leader:Â Why didn’t you move out of the way when we fired?
Me: (to steal from Bagger Vance) I saw you building it and reckoned standing in front bore the least risk.
Ah… Scouting.
I went absolutely apeshit on the Bible information guy at the Temple Belltower. Normally, it’s polite banter and we exchange points and pass our merry way. Today, I got into a heated argument over the nature of business ethics with the TA for my business ethics class. I try to be polite but apparently every point I had was actually a thinly veiled personal attack on either her or the professor rather than the actual course. I left heated and f$&%ing exploded on Bible man. He was discussing “be fruitful and multiply” and
Me: there’s 6 f$#%ing billion people. Don’t you think we’ve met the criteria?
Him: Well… (not even a 1/10th of a second of actual noise before I jumped in)
Me: is God not going to be happy until science finds a way to get men pregnant or you can’t walk without tripping over someone?”
Him: But.. (not even a 1/20th of a second of actual noise before I jumped in)
Me: don’t you ever get tired of wasting time spouting your improvable, poorly logicked, unresearched, dogmatic brand of radical bullsh*t?
Him: Wha.. (not even a 1/50th of a second of actual noise before I jumped in)
Me: I’d stay and point out more of your statements’ flaws but I have a train to catch.
I feel bad. I think I may apologize next Friday. I was just mean.