I went to the Constitution Center today and discovered something funnier than small black children at the Camden Aquarium giving fish the finger. Medium black children shouting “your mom” and “that’s what she said” during a presentation about the ratification of the Constitution. Walking around the center nearly called me physical pain and I’ll use the following mistake as my case: Andrew Jackson was mistaken for a basketball player. That sent me to frowntown. Ironic as I was already in Philadelphia. On the plus side, I took a circuitous route back to the trainstation and digressed through Chinatown on the way back. I was gladdened to see the number of larger/Rubinesque women used in advertisements for happy ending massages. How enlightened we’ve become.
I’ve discovered the dark side of Facebook. Dennis Curran is now in contact with me. The man I once called “Denny” and “Den Den” has already started talking to me. This is the man, I once spent a 10 minute period have a conversation with him where I replied to every statement by saying “I play baseball” in the voice of a Faulkner Idiot Manchild.
I have bad hearing. Year’s of rocking to Bach and to a lesser extent explosives have resulted in some frequencies of human speech being damaged. And today, the following was said: Ask Jim about his flaws in stat collection. I heard: A flask of Jim’s is the cause of a staph infection.
Best Bible Verses Evar. (With the possible exception of “So God he smote the gentiles and crushed their teeth like pottery” from some forgotten section of the apocrypha)
Instructor: Mr. Robinson, I don’t think you actually attended last Tuesday’s class.
Me: What makes you say that?
Instructor: Well, you turned in your participation sheet before anyone else.
Me: So, I still submitted the sheet.
Instructor: It was typed.
Me: *silence*
Instructor: I recognize that this class is boring but try not to make it too obvious that you’re skipping and having someone else hand in your work. It makes the other students suspicious.
Me: I’ll try.
Instructor: Thank you, I look forward to not seeing next Tuesday.
Pete: So how long have you been awake?
Me: About 28 hours.
Pete: What do you use to stay awake?
Me: Sausage, lots of sausage.
Pete: How could that possibly work?
Me: Well, I’m awake, aren’t I.
After my sleepless scholastic ordeal I had to fight to stay awake until class, knowing that if I fell asleep on the train, I wouldn’t wake up until I was either at the Philadelphia Airport or in West Trenton, both bad. I made it into Finance and quickly fell asleep to the sweet sounds of Indian factual misstatement and woke up as the class ending. Passing by the teacher’s grade book I noticed I received full participation credit which means one of two things, either he never called on me, or I answered questions in my sleep. I latter found out it was the latter, and I was apparently right to boot.
As part of a group presentation for Act Sci 3596 I volunteered to stitch together the sections of the report my group was to turn in from the constituent parts thinking “they’re seniors, how bad could their writing be?”
Things I encountered-
Someone cited the same reference 18 times in the span of 1/2 of a page. The source document was 2 pages long.
In an effort to get unbiased information one person cited health facts about mesothelioma from a personal injury lawyer’s web page
One person referenced a source with the only citation information being “website”
One person referenced a source with the only citation information being “insurance”
A group member used the word “as” 11 times in a single short paragraph
A group member in a fantastic display of plagiarism had a sentence which read “we at the Insurance Information Institute” despite the paper to be from our point of view.
I sat down to start stitching at 6:00 PM thinking 3 hours would be sufficient. I finished the paper at 5:38 AM the next day without having gone to bed. I prefer to think that I simply finished the paper at 17:38 PM, Sunday. It was kind of like dealing with the norovirus but the vomiting was grammatical and figurative rather than omnipresent and literal.
I woke up at 2:30 and I’m sure glad I did. After my two previous bouts with the Jehovah’s Witnesses their propaganda war is continuing.
The amazing part is the date. November 2007. They obviously didn’t just print this for the first time as in October the Ms. Roberts mentioned this publications to me, I wonder how many they throw out a month. Maybe they split the difference and publish it bi-monthly and I just got a properly dated one. Hm… If anyone else argues with them and gets one with another date, let me know.
So, after faking friends and food yesterday Whit, Joe and I wound up at camp to steal a lamp. We then watched far too much Venture Brothers and I returned home at 5:00 AM to my brother and father getting ready to leave for work. They looked at me quizzically until I blurted out “BestBuy ran out of discount 8800 Ultras” under the guise of staying up due to Black Friday in a wonderful display of Robinson values. Enjoying time with friends, bad. Staying up to get cheap shit, good.
I invented some friends so I could go over their house and celebrate Thanksgiving so I wouldn’t have to have dinner with my parents. At 23, I’m now officially a teenager.
I had one class today. One f&*%ing teacher that was heartless dedicated enough to have class the day before Thanksgiving. She promised us that the class would be more lighthearted than normal and I think 1/2 of us attended with the intent of finding out what “light-hearted” meant to a probability and statistics machine. Today, we found out. Apparently “light-hearted” means instead of mind-numbing problems that can only be done by people with the mental power to bend spoons about people dying in catastrophes we get mind-numbing problems that can only be done by people with the mental power to bend spoons about turkeys dying in catastrophes. Even worse, they were tofurkeys, apparently she’s a vegetarian. Who knew with a name like Viswanathan she’d be a vegetarian.