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Last Monday I nearly ripped my hair out writing a memo and preparing a presentation for a group project in BA 4196.  I got my grade late today.  48.5…. out of 100.  I looked into the individual grades and it broke down to one person getting 32 out of 100, another getting 33 out of 100 and me getting 48 out of 100.  Below that was a note saying “do not attempt to convert points out of total into a grade or percentage” I don’t know if this was some policy to cover his back-end kabuki system or a warning that based on our group’s poor performance such mathematical work could cause ourselves personal harm.

After six years, two schools and $3360 in SEPTA train passes I will not be undone by “Strategic Management”.  Ironically, I need a game plan.

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I visited Teejay yesterday and my lack of dinner and Val’s interest in ice cream resulted in us at the Jenkintown Applebees.  Our female server had the glasses and face of Napoleon Dynamite and a slow wit with wonderful comments like “I know you like the menu, but other people need it” with that condescending lilt that makes me want to punch babies.

After a 1/2 dozen order mistakes and finding a lake Tinkle in the bathroom I fought back the only way I could think of, by acting like a total idiot.

  1. Teejay and I tried to figure out how much shredded lettuce we could stick to our faces using sour cream and honey mustard sauce.   The sour cream held the lettuce well but didn’t stick to the face as much as honey mustard, this may become handy some day.
  2. When she asked about our dessert orders I requested the chocolate cake, which they apparently out of, I asked for more time.  When she returned, I asked for the chocolate cake, rinse and repeat.
  3. She was a bit slow on drink re-fills, we were there for about 2 hours and I got 1 re-fill where I’d normally get 3 or 4.  I asked for two boxes, one for my quesadillas and one for my drink.  I poured the drink into the box and drove the straw through the opening next to the closing tab and the straw fit in nicely even after it was closed.  I tried to drink as much as possible as she walked by but being an oblivious bitch I got no reaction so I etched “Bitch” into the top of the Styrofoam containers with my thumbnail.

She then billed us for things she never actually served us.  Never again, Jenkintown Applebees.

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My watch didn’t know it was a leap-year.  I’m fine with that, really but it was a sufficient excused to come into work late.  After work, I headed to Friday Night Magic where a player had an unusually good selection of cards he’s looking to sell.  I bought about $200 in cards for about $120, not bad and I asked him where he got them.  He didn’t tell me but when I got the cards,  I started looking through the plastic sleeves and found a business card for a company that sells cards.  After FNM, I checked the firm’s page online.  I checked the card values there and it was about $220 in total.  Either this kid is a thief or an idiot, either case, I will avoid him in the future.

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Dave came over after a girlfriend-induced 2-hour delay and we planned operation “Is this beer too small” begun in a previous post.  The 23 oz glass seemed to barely accommodate much more than a single 12 oz soda and I restrained myself from speed-dialing the Department of Weights and Measures and instead chose guerrilla science.

Dave and I smuggled in measuring equipment and all went well until drink orders.  Dave was supposed to get a 23 oz drink for me to measure, but then something went horribly long…

Server:  What can I get you to drink?
Me: I’ll have a water.
Dave:  I’ll have a Sprite.
Server: Okay, I’ll….
Me: I’ll have a 23 oz black and tan.
Dave: I don’t like black and tans.
Me: I’ll have a lager.
Dave: Yuengling.
Server: Okay, do you want two glasses?
Dave: Yes.
Me: No.

I no way did we look like tards at this point.  Honest.  She returned with the drinks and I realized that we were a vessel short.  I downed my water and dumped my ice into Dave’s Sprite and hastily pored the lager into the measuring cup creating a ridiculous amount of head.  So, at this point, there was a 1/2 empty Brewtus glass, my empty water glass, Dave’s Sprite overflowing with ice, and a very frothy beer in an OXO measuring cup.  Time was ticking away for the foam to clear before the server returned and I caught some odd looks from the restaurant inhabitants as I ineffectively blew on the beer.  The head cleared, I dumped the beer into my empty vessel and filled the remaining beer into the measuring cup, 24 oz, fuck.  Everything gets consolidated back into Dave’s glass as the server returned and offered to refilled my de-beered water glass. I demanded a new glass and got the hairy eyeball, and broke down and explained the situation and she was surprisingly understanding and stated that they did have a smaller 16 oz glass but we’d clearly gotten the 23 oz one.  I asked the server if I could buy the glass for further analysis and she asked her manager.

Server: We’re not supposed to sell the glasses.
Me: What happens if someone breaks one?
Server: We sweep it up…
Me: No no, do you charge them?
Server: No, we don’t.
Me: So we can break your glasses?
Server: Well, I guess, but you might get kicked out.
Me: Hm…

Minutes later she passed by and looked at us, flashed us an open spread hand and mouthed the word “5” to us.  We added 5 to the 60% tip and Dave slipped the glass into his hoodie’s main pocket.  At home, I pulled out the two glasses.  Same damn size.  So, did space-time bend or did I get a super can of Pepsi Max that could nearly fill a 23 oz glass.  Or, option C, I’m a complete tard.

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Two groups presented case studies today in BA 4196.  For once, the humor was not from marketing majors fumbling to come up with financial justifications or accounting majors trying to explain how a solution could be sold but the instructor.  Over the semester, the number of students using laptops has continuously increased and today the teacher jumped on the bandwagon.  He spent the entire 45 minute period dicking around with his laptop, and not that dicking that’s just fudging with it while taking notes, this was hard-core screen adjustment, battery removal, USB mouse attaching and all.  He picked up nothing, and at the end of the period when he opened the floor no one said anything.  I was curious to see how he dealt with him having no information so when he looked towards me with the “you’re the fat one, you always have an opinion” glance I stared at the carpet weaving on the wall.

He began visibly sweating and eventually simply dismissed the class claiming he’d have to “look over” his notes.  I can’t wait for grades to be posted.

Update: They got a B-, I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but if I think my next presentation will go poorly, I think I’ll start using a laser pointer to try to distract him.

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I’m a pretty strong advocate of Creative Commons, in dreams after I fight Communists with Superman Lawrence Lessig, Cory Doctorow and I fight patent trolls and shorten the copyright sunset period.  Anyway, I purchased two books licensed under Creative Commons from Amazon, because I wanted the pretty binding and not having to read from a screen.  I haven’t gotten the books, and I don’t think I will.  But it’s Creative Commons.  At any time, I could print out the entire thing at work and just read it, but that’s not the point, dammit.  I want my book to read, at work, while I’m on the can, avoiding work, I don’t want to print it there too, even I’m not that much a mooch.

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“Due to global warming all pictures of the sun in requirements for Soil and Water Conservation must be drawn with an angry face rather than a happy face”

“Stabbing yourself in woodcarving will no longer be accepted for the wound dressing requirement of First Aid merit badge”

I still want to do the byproduct of combined merit badges.  Public Speaking + Rock Climbing with a podium scaling a wall is still my favorite.  Archery + Fishing or Shotgun Shooting with Fishing with a cod or herring in the trap thrower is probably #2.

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I’d really like to run a Headline News segment to open camp in some way incorporated each week’s troops into consideration.

Idea: Due to the demands of Troop (largest troop of the week), the airband competition now has a Air Marching Band award.

I don’t know if it’s too narrow, but hey at least I’m not making fun of the smallest troop.