My mother’s quitting smoking again and each time she does some basic skill set is temporarily lost until she feels nicotine-free.  This time, she warned me, it was her math skills and she’d been making numerical oopsies for the last four days.  She insisted that event tickets she bought for her and my dad reduced the amount of spousal support she was due rather than increasing it and after a dinner where I tipped $10 on a $50 food charge was met with “why the 50% tip?” I realized she was right.  After returning to my mother’s house:

Me: Happy day after mother’s day (that’s when we traditionally celebrate to avoid crowds).
Her: would you like to come in?
Me: I need to to use the rest room and I dare say your toilet is too…. dainty.
Her: Oh, ok then.
*I walk out, she sees me to the door*
Her: BE CAREFUL!