I was picking up a piece of trash when I heard the distinctive ripping noise that all self-aware fat men fear.  It is the noise of inferior stitching, mediocre materials, and a profound embarrassment.  Oddly, this tear was at my knee, but it slowly grew up my leg as the day progressed and with four hours to go a 8″ air vent at my thigh I new action needed to be taken.  So, during my lunch break I drove around wildly in Jersey streets I’d never seen in what was going to be a vain effort to get new pants.  As I stepped into my vehicle the tear extended to a “America’s Funniest Home Videos” level and I had to go for broke.  When all hope seemed lost I saw in the distance “Nick’s Big and Tall”, a look at my watch showed 4:55 PM giving me 5 minutes to find a way to due a U-turn (stupid jug handles) and buy new pants.  At 4:59PM I bust through the door wearing my judge striped shirt, polished shoes and pants that look like they had contained a crotch-origined mortar blast and state “I need pants!”.  The help was quick and efficient and I returned to the venue and no one was the wiser… If you’re a giant man with busted slacks in Tom’s River New Jersey I highly recommend talking to a man call Lorenzo at Nick’s Big and Tall.

I was picking up a piece of trash when I heard the distinctive ripping noise that all self-aware fat men fear.  It is the noise of inferior stitching, mediocre materials, and a profound embarrassment.  Oddly, this tear was at my knee, but it slowly grew up my leg as the day progressed and with four hours to go a 8″ air vent at my thigh I new action needed to be taken.  So, during my lunch break I drove around wildly in Jersey streets I’d never seen in what was going to be a vain effort to get new pants.  As I stepped into my vehicle the tear extended to a “America’s Funniest Home Videos” level and I had to go for broke.  When all hope seemed lost I saw in the distance “Nick’s Big and Tall”, a look at my watch showed 4:55 PM giving me 5 minutes to find a way to due a U-turn (stupid jug handles) and buy new pants.  At 4:59PM I bust through the door wearing my judge striped shirt, polished shoes and pants that look like they had contained a crotch-origined mortar blast and state “I need pants!”.  The help was quick and efficient and I returned to the venue and no one was the wiser… If you’re a giant man with busted slacks in Tom’s River New Jersey I highly recommend talking to a man call Lorenzo at Nick’s Big and Tall.