The quadruple amputee can't breathe!

CPR Training dummies consist of the non-descript torso of a person and head with a chest that clicks so you know a chest compression was done properly.  Additionally, as part of proper CPR one must send someone for help and tell them any important details about he victim as possible.  During my assessment I used the following:
“CPR Dummy, CPR Dummy are you okay?  Tihn, get the AED and call the help line.”
“What should I tell them?”
“We have a non-descript unconscious hermaphroditic quadruple amputee that’s not responding and appears to have had multiple facelifts and lungs replaced with plastic lunch bags”