Office 2007, I stab at thee

My computer class required me to make a PowerPoint presentation and sell my soul.  I’ve always been a powerpoint minimalist, a Steve Reich or Phillip Glass.  When I’m doing a presentation I am the center of attention and the slide merely contains words so forceful my lungs alone cannot imbue them with enough force.  I use images to amuse and themes merely because it seems to be required these days and to keep things apart stylistically if I’m doing more than one training session.

This class required the following:

  • 8 clipart images (look at me, art from 1995!)
  • 4 different slide transitions (slide transitions are the gateway drug to animations)
  • 5 animations (slide animations are to boring presenters as breathmints are to the alcoholic)
  • 1 sound clip,  this is a funny one.  I didn’t know what I was supposed to use as a “boink” noise during a slide change is ridiculous and anything else isn’t topical.  So, I included Patton Oswalt’s bit on TiVo (the presentation was on TiVo), apparently he wanted a “boink” noise.
  • Appropriate titles, this one agreed with, so I decided to go with “TiVo: How they Make the Benjamins” followed by “TiVo: How They’ll Make the Salmon P. Chases” (go $10000 bill)
  • 2 Smart Objects, if you’ve ever used a Smart Object you’ll understand the irony of the name.  I had an organizational chart with a box with 4 subordinates.  The main box was 24 point, as soon as I added a 5th subordinate the font size of the main box dropped to 16.  WTF…

My guerrilla presentation went over well, except for the 39 f-bombs Patton Oswalt used.