The brownie as a tool of office diplomacy has long been in my arsenal.  I missed two days of work without appropriately notifying my bosses and the last hints of angst were dismissed over a week-old brownie created during the Great Guest Exodus of New Years Eve.  But the brownie can be used for a more sinister purpose, intimidation.

Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Sure, I’ll take a piece.
Me: Oh, that’s it.  I thought you’d said you’d take a piece. Not a crumb.
Coworker: Hey, I just had lunch.
Me: And you need a quality confection to top it off.  The portion you took is like a shot of beer, insulting to the drinker and the bartender.
Coworker:  Ok…. I’ll be back later to get the rest.
Me: No! You’ll be back now to get the rest.  Get in there, and take a slice.

Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Yes, I’d love some, thank you.  I really like brownies.
Me: Oh, so that’s how you show your love?  With what appears to be a portion the size of mice leavings?
Coworker: I just started a new diet.
Me:  The first three letters tell you all you need to know “DIE”.  Are you trying to kill your tastebuds?
Coworker: I’ll try more.
Me:  Try?  Do or do not.  There is no try.
Coworker: Ok…. *cuts larger slice*
Me: I’m going to check back with you later to see if you finished it.

Who new baked goods could be such precise tools of demasculation?  Next week: Decimating self image with coffee crumb lemon bars.