Pre-releases are the second most grueling Magic tournaments behind GPs which are the modern judging analog to working in a coal mine.Â I slept 9 hours the day before, arrived at the station early and well dressed and received odd stares from those seeing me a scion of the Romanovs with my ushanka, gloves, and dark slacks.Â The Convention center was crawling with Autoshow people and I assumed my day was going to suck as multi-event security is best described as Kafkaesque.Â There’s a single entrance to what would be three different events requiring Autoshow security to go at us each time. I landed in the security line, waiting for my chance to employ a combination of supplication and excuse fabrication I now incorrectly call bullshido to avoid a pat-down, when the clouds parted and something amazing happened: I was reviewed by a competent security person.
Him: Ticket please.
Me: I’m here for the Gray Matter Conventions event.
Him: Hm… So you don’t have an Autoshow Ticket.Â How many of you are there going to be?
Me: A few hundred, but we’ll be going in and out a bit.
Him: Okay, go through… wait.Â If I have to do this for everyone that’s going to your event, that could take ages.
Me: Yes, it could take a while.
Him: How about we unlock a door past the security station.Â *shouting* If you’re here for the card jaun, come over here.
30 or 40 of my pasty white card-slinging brethren left the line, emancipated from the tyranny of mini-metal detectors.Â My people were free.Â Later when I met up with the rest of the staff we all shared the story of “Tyrell, the Competent Security Guard”.Â He will be venerated in song.