Soft Hands

My former employer kept me well stocked on hand cream.  Notionally, this was a prophylactic against bacterial infiltration but having never encountered any covered in bodily fluids I used it to keep my hands soft.  My excess stock made its way home and for the last few years my household  has also benefited from soft hands. Today, drought struck:

Dad: We’re out of hand cream, can you grab some more sometime? I liked the stuff you got last time.
Me: Nope.  Got those work.
Dad: How do we get more?
Me: Buy some, possibly Rite-Aid.
Dad: What other options?
Me: Steal it from a hospital.
Dad: Do you have anyone on the inside that can get us some?
Me:  Dad, man up and buy some hand lotion.