New Blender

The Ninja Master Prep Professional Blender is not a blender, it is the hybrid of a abattoir and a snow blower.  The 3 ice cubes I put it in were not broken nor crushed but teleported away and replaced with snow during some moment where I wasn’t paying attention.  I now make 3 days worth of smoothie at one go and the thing laughs.   There is but one speed “holocaust” and but one button, the on button, which should be marked “PAIN”.  The blades have a visceral curve in the sense that it doesn’t induce an emotional response but it is made of the viscera of some HR Giger creation.  This is the first blender I’ve owned where I can put in strawberries for a smoothie and they don’t have time to let out a cry before being obliterated.

I am up to two blenders in my blender graveyard.