Of all the religious groups that visit school, Gideon International is by far the nicest.  They’re well-dressed, polite and leave before 10 AM.  Today, though they were particularly fierce and had a peculiar arrangement.  Normally, they’re well distributed but today they were all in a line and instead of just offering a Bible, people were asked by each member.  After the 7th offer of a Bible within 10 minutes, I look down the line and yell “can you take your God damn Biblical carpet bombing somewhere else.  We’re disaffected city-folk, don’t you get it!”  I felt awkward for a bit, until I turn around all four or five elderly Gideons that had just heard me yell this, smile and point a Bible at me.  Argh…

In reverse order, each quote is a discrete instant and doesn’t tie conversationally to the proximate quotes.
Dad: Do you think Neosporin would work on a duck?
Me: Yes ma’am, we did discharge a firearm multiple times.  We’re okay but the raccoon is dead or at least dying and the duck may not make it, thanks for the concern, good night.
Brian: I always assumed raccoons were vegetarians, it was probably try to get the taste of your rancid pie out of its mouth.
Ryan: I wasn’t sure what it was until after the clip was empty.
Me: Why did you try to grab the raccoon, dad?  I see a raccoon that just attacked a duck in the early hours of the evening with saliva around its mouth and I think “time to play with nature’s bandit!”
(Ryan: I think it’s kinda dead. Dad: Well, is it dead or not, you can’t be kind of dead. Ryan: Right now it’s warm dead, I want to wait till it’s cold dead)
Me: If you can’t hit it before you empty the clip I’m getting the God damn atlatl.
Brian: Does you duck normally make that much noise?

I’ve had to take some liberties with the quotes as this was a rather tense couple of minutes.

I really thought I updated the page today. The post involved my brother’s return from Europe with someone on the R3, it was a bit funny, but luckily I was sleep drunk and decided to make the world’s deadliest cheesecake.

What’s that on there you say? What makes it so deadly? The exponential distribution as a model for failure, that’s what! I’m particularly enamored with the memoryless property of the distribution, to the point where if I every become the first actuary/philosopher, it shall be a cornerstone of that idea. Anyway, the cake was expired as I found out ex post facto and tasted like ass.

The Matrix is done, well almost.  I have no windshield wipers, FM radio or center console, but driving the thing’s like operating a micro RC car.  In a pinch, I think I could park in our family’s mailbox or possibly under the doormat.

Pre-release!  The venue was an aircraft hanger located beneath the main concourse of the Philadelphia convention center and the room was fucking huge.  But, we were still only able to use a 100′ x 100′ area despite having been able to hold three concurrent cricket games in the remaining space (barring pillars).  I arrived at 7:00 AM and it sounded like a family of wookiees had been trapped in the duct work as the first four hours witnessed noises akin to a dying sperm whale with a upper respiratory tract infection.  This was fine as the concrete on concrete acoustics made it such that I heard the echo of one of farts during build somewhere in the middle round 1.  I always thought farts were like mythical duck quacks and emitted no echo, apparently not.For once, the union cleaning crew actually cleaned the room as we went, dispelling the belief I had that by the end of the day the detritus from multiple booster drafts would coalesce in foil and plastic tumble weeds that would sweep up unsuspecting players, not so.  At lunch, I successfully purchased less than an entire cake from the Amish bakers, but was saddened as a 1/4 cake only costs 40% less than a whole one.  On the way back, a woman asked me for spare change as she hadn’t eaten in two days by her recounting and then I remembered the iron law of charity:  never give money to someone with a DKNY handbag and Sennheiser headphones.

The day ended unremarkably with Mike McGee fucking up my rounds like it was his job and I played 5-Color a bit.  Tom Folsom now owns a Kitty Splitter.  How do people play 5-Color without cat stickers?

I’ve replaced my school notebooks with my tablet at school and in some classes, other people with laptops have started to bring them, particularly in Law 1001.  Today, the women’s basketball team player brought hers and immediately spent the first 20 minutes of class rotating between taking notes and buying revealing swimwear.  For 15 minutes after that, she rotated between notes, swimwear, eBay and Ralph Lauren flannel button downs.  Normally, I’d consider this rude and a bit voyeuristic, but she was using a 15.4″ Widescreen desktop replacement laptop on ultrabright mode, to the point where you could see the reflected screen light off of the face of the chick next to her that should probably be eating Stridex pads for how oily her skin is.

Tom did something to network at camp.  Normally, when Tom fucks up the network there’s a IP conflict or there’s a spoon in a network socket, this time, something new:
1) The router only had 2 functioning ports, 2 and 4.
2) The switch had 6 functioning ports, 1-4 and 6-7, if you plugged something into 5, the other 6 ports would go down.
3) The printer would print, but only if the 2nd access point wasn’t connected.
When I asked what caused the problems he simply responded “I tried to move it, then things went wrong”.

I was going to tell a story about my Finance instructor insisting that the discount rate and the interest rate were the same thing and me rallying the campuses actuaries to wage war but terrible news has hit: Friday marks the end of Leper as a creature type in Magic.  Frown.  This created a net improvement in my day, though.