I watched Deal or No Deal for the first time. Â The mechanics are simple enough but as with all game shows I am most interested in the audience. Â Deal or No Deal elevates this by having the family on stage to “guide” the contestant. Â I’d really like to see it done with a dysfunctional family.
Mother: “Take the money! Â Then you can start paying be back for the years of life I wasted raising you, you little shit.” Son/Contestant: “Shut up you drunken bitch, let me make my own decisions”
Father: “Don’t risk it!  I took a chance once and got you and a life consigned to hell in a 3 room apartment with her!”
I’d pay to see that. Â See what Howie Mandel remembers from his day’s on Bobby’s World.
Category: Daily Highlights
The avocados were way better when I was a kid
Over the past few weeks I’ve been making an effort to wake up earlier, and by that I mean before 10AM on days that I don’t have school. Â Success was slow at first but today I officially turned into an old fart. Â I woke up 5:30AM and did what any reasonable 22 year old would. Â I showered and went produce shopping! Â And if you still doubt me I talked to James (not Jim, he yells if you call him that) the Produce Guy for 25 minutes. Â I learned the difference between an anaheim and a poblano pepper, how to pick an avocado and how shitty my social life has become.
The postal service, covering your laziness since 1775
I wanted to offer a specific card, Chaos Orb as a prize for a tournament I’m holding today. Â After I won one on eBay on Tuesday I emailed the seller to see if I could picking it up directly from him after discovering his house was practically on the way to the tournament site. Â I received no response until Thursday whereas they stated they didn’t like pick-ups as they had a problem with one previously, he then states he can express mail it to me. Â Okay, how much I think, nothing… So, instead of me picking up the card and paying in cash, the fellow instead spend 23 dollars to have something overnighted a net distance of 16 miles plus the fact they now had to pay paypal fees. Â w00t efficiency!
Ascension in 20 minutes or less
Today in IH 0051 the instructor emphasized the importance of mystery and the unknowable as a part of the Hindu faith. Â Without enbracing the ineffability of Brahman, one is incapable of creating a detached notion of self-action. Â After about 20 minutes of such high-minded talk on the lack of a direct path to realizing the Atman, the reality of a mandatory introductory philosophy class set in when the next slide was titled “The Three Definited Steps to Ascension”. Â What took mystics a lifetime of ascetic self-focus is now doable in 20 minutes by an Asian humanities instructor. Â It must be tough to move around the Ivory Tower with heads that big.
Lid comes with free can.
Yet another encounter with another Faulknerian Idiot Manchild. Â While walking through Lowes searching for a new recycling bin and an orbital scanner, I found the aisle and saw that the two piece garbage cans had the lids on a shelf, followed by the price tag below it, with the cylinders on the ground. Â IÂ picked up the lid above the label showing the price $12.94 when the person looking at one piece garbage cans next to me said in all seriousness “That’s a lot for a garbage can lid.”
Butter, the secret ingredient to all good soups
Anthony Celona and I splurged on a fine Italian dinner at Mamma D’s in Plumsteadville, PA and I got a full contact lesson on Italian food. Â Don’t get me wrong, I’m open to new foods, I’ve tried seal jerky for Christ Sakes and will consume a mammal no matter how fatty or cute. Â I tried the cream of olive soup. Â Now, cream soups should be as their name states, creamy, but the creaming agent should not be a stick of butter. Â And in a cream soup the the flavoring is typically subtle. Â Instead I received a bowl of table olives someone had attacked with an EZ Chopper in a stick of butter. Â Besides this culinary abomination when asked why I didn’t like it I simply used my old standby “it was salty” no one ever second guesses this but the moment you say “it was poorly prepared” or “improperly spiced” an inquisition begins. Â I stated I wasn’t used to Italian food as my mother was from Belfast, the server then stated “isn’t that north of Sicily”, I simply responded “yes”. Â And some people say I have no tact.
Songs get stuck in your head, downtown
Some Faulknerian Idiot Manchild was humming Petula Clark’s Downtown on the train and it got stuck in my head. This is what the day wound up sounding like.
MSOM 105: “Using the distance formula will not minimize distances in most factories” “Downtown”
IH 0051: “The goal of Jnana Yoga is the worship the godhead” “Downtown”
ACT 0002: “If you guys don’t start participating I’m going to ask you to go” “Downtown”
SOC 0062: “Examples of racial discrimination can still be found in many of American’s institutions” “Downtown”
STAT 212: “When calculating the value of some sample space with an unknown variance, the Tschybechev Inequality can give you an upper board to the standard deviation assuming a small number epsilon””Downtown.”
Yeah, I know, that last one didn’t work at all but it’s fucking Stat 212. It’s like the alphabet and the number line had sex and they taped it.
Dead men fill no driver logs
My insurance company offers a discount to drivers under 25 that maintain a driver’s log and answer a brief survey about one’s driving habits. Â I shuffled through the log with a bubble wrap cover and saw the accident report form in the back, a form I’ve seen a dozen times in various insurance course. Â What made this form different were the lines “what are you going to do to avoid accidents in the future?” and “did you remember to tell your parents?”
Quite while you're behind, Chuck.
Chuck decided to argue with me. Â He and I were asked to draw up changes to the parking policy. Â I stated that we should have someone stand at the entrance gate. Â He said we wouldn’t have to if people would read the instructions we gave them. Â I then stated we could remind the camping secretary to remind them, and he said they could carry in their gear if they weren’t such wusses. Â I replied that wasn’t within the scope of what we were asked to do, he said that didn’t matter… Now, normally, I’m up for a good argument, but a series of precisely executed non-sequitors doesn’t meet this criterion. Â Gah! Â Logical fallacies should be considered misdemeanor offenses.
When are you due?
The PTQ saw me as the designated driver to do the Wawa run for lunch. Â I assembled the food for the five of us and as I approached the counter to pay the attendent said “hungry?” in that funny way that both recognized that I was shopping for multiple people and called me fat. Â After moving the 5 sandwiches, 2 cups of soup, 3 gallons of beverage, and 3 pieces of fruit next to the register, I grabbed by gut and responsed “I am buying for five.” Â I think there was about a 60% chance based on the look on her face that she thought I was pregnant.