I’m eating a donut while walking on my treadmill.  In 40 minutes, It’ll balance out.

Pete: So how long have you been awake?
Me: About 28 hours.
Pete: What do you use to stay awake?
Me: Sausage, lots of sausage.
Pete: How could that possibly work?
Me: Well, I’m awake, aren’t I.

My father called the previous evening asking if I wanted to order out with him, I said I was going to be in late and declined.  Being the nice guy he is, he still got me a pleasant chicken parm platter he got after my brother went to bed at the crack of 7 PM.  I stumbled in at midnight and went immediately to bed.  At school today, I was rather hungry as Stat approached but not wanting to pay for food I remembered the chicken parm awaiting me and smiled.  That is until I realized that my brother now beat me home and would consume my chicken parm with great gusto should I not make the 2:57 train and beat his 4 o’ clock return time.  I enter stat, see we have a quiz and start shooting through in an effort to leave in the 7 minutes I have to make the train and victoriously consume the bird.  The first question is easy but the next two were the statistical analog of filing a 1040-A and I frantically start inventing equations and non-existent shortcuts to finish.  I windmill slam the paper on the instructor’s desk and book out.  I profoundly failed the quiz, but the chicken was wonderful.

Ryan: I thought you said the pie was rancid?
Me: It is, but the crust is spectacular.
Ryan: What’d you do with the filling?
Me: Fed it to the hill.

Pete:  Where the hell where you?
Me: A wizz turned into a fart turned into a shart turned into a shit.
-Philadelphia Pre-Release

Anthony Celona once said that chocolate could improve anything. I put that to the test with this.

Pretzel? Candy Cane? Swizzle Stick? Peirole? Even better, a Slim Jim. Originally, we wanted to do chocolate-covered hot dogs but we lacked hotdogs so we broke into the trading post and acquired some Slim Jims. And they are delicious. That previous sentence is a complete lie, so to improve them, the next badge was rolled in Pop Rocks. There are some things man simply wasn’t meant to experience.

I’ve lost 4 pounds over the last week.  I’m certain it’s entirely due to BioShock.  People consider exergaming to be the best way to lose weight.  I’ve found retardly compelling plotline and starvation to be equally functional.

Bill III: It appears he’s eating cheese. Me: If he eats my cheese I’m going to demand pound for pound repayment from him.

I had to speak with my IH0052 about the final I was going to miss and after following him in I attempted to leave and was quickly baffled by the dizzying array of doors, elevators, armed guards, and one way passages in the sarcophagus of education.  Never having been in the Anderson Building of Social Sciences where each door is marked CAUTION emergency exit suggesting if I opened it sirens and lasers would go off.  I quickly went from looking like student to patient following around people for 20 minutes trying to find a way out stumbling around as a confused fat man in a Hawaii shirt.  Finally, I heard a ding and a door opening.  I broke into a fat-man-turbo-stumble and ninja rolled out the door yelling “freedom!” to the great confusion of the gaggle of women that allowed by egress.

Tonight’s pork chops were terrible, I had to down a half a box of cereal to get the taste out of my mouth.