I brought in oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and despite it being around 8:30 AM I saw about 1/2 were gone. I poked around to see who was in and asked a coworker how many cookies he’d had to which he responded “six”. “Really?” I asked, “I guess you really like them, then” I chuckled passive-aggressively. “No” he responded “I was just eating all the burnt ones so no one else would have to”. Good idea, I should volunteer to eat all his steaks that I deem to have insufficient marbling and deem myself a public servant.
New Guy's Computer Use
Me: So, the new guy seems to be working intensely at his computer and he’s only been here for like a week.
Coworker: Yeah, it’s kind of impressive, considering he only has a keyboard and monitor with no actual computer.
Me: Wow, that’s dedication.
Folder Infraction
One of my current boring tasks is preparing folders for work orders. Apparently I prepared one incorrectly and received the following from an Eastern European Coworker:
Coworker: Terry.
Me: Yes?
Coworker: When you put sample drawings in folder, punch holes must be at top.
Me: Ok. Does it matter?
Coworker: Does it matter? Is vital! I spend 40 minutes trying to figure out why drawing is upside down. I created a whole AutoCAD file with upside down text and pouch spacing. Then, I realized your problem and put new holes in the folder and had start over. Now, paper is too light and when I go to file folder, I expect it heavier and slam wrist onto filing cabinet. Is it important.
He told me.
Folder Infraction
One of my current boring tasks is preparing folders for work orders. Apparently I prepared one incorrectly and received the following from an Eastern European Coworker:
Coworker: Terry.
Me: Yes?
Coworker: When you put sample drawings in folder, punch holes must be at top.
Me: Ok. Does it matter?
Coworker: Does it matter? Is vital! I spend 40 minutes trying to figure out why drawing is upside down. I created a whole AutoCAD file with upside down text and pouch spacing. Then, I realized your problem and put new holes in the folder and had start over. Now, paper is too light and when I go to file folder, I expect it heavier and slam wrist onto filing cabinet. Is it important.
He told me.
"Hm…"
Tonight, I helped kill Troop 78, a unit located in Feasterville where I’ve spent nearly a score years. We had a banquet as a swan song and to recognize its former leader, Leon Duminiak, a volunteer for three times the lifespan of the Beatles. I didn’t do much during the day otherwise besides help prepare for and then emcee the event, so for you daily entry I’ll merely recall my eulogy.
I don’t enjoy most prayers as they quickly sound like Christmas lists. ‘Dear God, thank you for friends and family, and my horsie and my new shoes’ and so on. In Troop 78 I’ve found a prayer that I’d like to use to start meals that would prove far better at reflecting on the profundity and amazement that I’ve regularly experienced in Scouting which I learned from Leon Duminiak whether he knows it or not. Let me explain:
During our 1997 stay at Ockanickon, our propane tree lit on fire and started shoot flame out of an incorrectly sealed bushing. I ran to tell Mr. Duminiak who had probably seen our accidental flamethrower and he responded after a second with a “hm…”
During the 1998 Camporee, our troop had built bungie-powered siege weapons and my patrol’s device was a trebuchet that launched 4 foot rods about 200 feet.  Shortly after a successful test launch, some kids started trying to catch the projectiles, I told Mr. Duminiak and he responded after a second with a “hm…”
During our troop’s 1999 stay at Ockanickon we had constructed an impromptu fix for a broken tarp. The patch broke shortly thereafter the area of tarps where water tends to pool soaking our pile of health forms as we waited for med rechecks. Someone told Mr. Duminiak the good news and he responded after a second with a “hm…”
The mind-boggling situations of life are often beyond our immediate ability to fashion words and I think bloviating praise for a deity is insulting. I think it was be far more effective to send a prayer in humility, take a moment to think of sitting in the warm embrace of infinity and respond after a second with a solid “hm…”
The Draw of Good Friday
I don’t recall everyone at work having previously taken off on Good Friday. But today, everyone was out. Everyone (hyperbole). I checked a few calendars and all listed “good Friday” as the reason to take off. I thought maybe my coworkers were more religious than I thought until I started pawing around. I got suspicious when both someone with the last name “Suberamanian” and “Steinberg” had taken off with reason of “Good Friday”. Either people or lying or the draw of the good word is far greater than I imagined.
Task Designed to Assure Attention
My current work task is a glorified game of “find the hyphen”. I need to go through CAD drawing names and separate the title from the subtitle. Seemly a simple task until I found complications like “STD” used instead of “Standard” and “XS” instead of “Small” or “pediatric”. I thought I’d figured out all the oddities until my boss pointed out an error. One person had switched back and forth between XS, Small and Pediatric which I had just labeled XS. After parsing the filenames and datestamps and product types and request channels the only pattern I could find was that the term “Pediatric” was used if the request was reviewed by a female and “XS” or” Small” was used if the request was approved by a male. Hm…
Better Living Through Renting
The carpet for the front bed room went in and in short order our 2nd tenant started moving his things in. This included his suede couch, recliner and somehow really nice curtains he didn’t want in his room which magically replaced the destroyed ones in our living room. I asked my dad what he did with the old stuff.
Dad: I threw it out.
Me: What happens when he moves out.
Dad: We’ll hold onto it for him.
Me: I don’t think it works that way.
Dad: Hm… In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy our new couch.
Remote Desktop Curiosity
The rollout of Outlook has been a bit closer to a stumbleandtripabitout and I had to call into the help desk to have them do some juju to push the install to my computer. To do this, he remoted into my computer, and accessed the Novell admin panel and went about his business. The install process was tedious as my computer is a spot underpowered. After about ten minutes I think he got board and started looking around my stem tray and desktop. He’d mouseover my portable app suite icon, and the Wakoopa tracker and spent more than a few seconds trying to figure out what the blinking Digsby icon was. To “monitor progress” he opened Task Manager and slowed down as he saw Keepass running as a process. After a few minutes he broke the silence held by staring at the installing and finally asked “so do you really like FoxIt Reader to Adobe Reader?” I replied “I do. It skips Adobe’s checksum which based on start time consists of calculating the 512K digits of pi.” I got a “hmmm…” out of him. I’m glad he didn’t find CCleaner, as I think the registry cleansing I ran caused the Outlook problem in the first place.
Adventures in Eating – Vol. 5
A byproduct of having people hunt on your property is the unavoidable gift basket of dear parts that appear sporadically in the freezer. I’d whittled away at the chuck roast, the ground various and the burger through the cooking axiom of “that which should not be identified can not be identified in chili” but this paper-wrapped timebomb would not go so quietly. So, I salted it, rubbed it with Mrs. Dash and roasted it over low heat until the core hit 160°F. It tasted… of meat. Dave said it reminded him of lamb, although I think he used the term “reminded” like one sees a piece of toast that “reminds” the observer of the Virgin Mary.
Next time I’m going to go with the newest entrant to my culinary toolbox: Add 1 cup chicken broth, 1 can mushroom soup, and 1 packet of any Lipton Cup-a-Soup. Later I discovered that “venison roast” is butcher code for “deer neck”. I wonder what type of soup best goes with neck.