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Coworker: Terry, I’ve been depressed lately.
Me: Bullshit, you’re sad.  Stop abusing words.
Coworker: I’m sad, how do you overcome sadness.
Me: Unmitigated Egotism.  Sometimes arrogance.
Coworker: Can you teach me to be arrogant.
Me: *Sharp Inhale* Are you willing to treat people like crap based on fleeting interactions?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Are you willing to put your self on the line by making fantastic claims that you couldn’t support but the listener couldn’t understand?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Are you willing to make your family feel like Barbie Dolls inhabiting your Malibu Dream house?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Let us begin.
—Hours of Arrogance Training Later—
Me: So, despite not being me and therefore being inferior, what has your piddling brain grabbed.

  1. Superficial failings reflect deep personal inadequacies and these failings should be loudly and continually compared to one’s skills so the peon can learn from you.
  2. In that I’m better than everyone, all attributes I don’t possess are unnecessary and possibly even dangerous despite social and scientific evidence to the contrary.
  3. My shifting priorities are not a sign of inconsistency but of my ever expanding and superior understanding of the cosmos.
  4. Accepting an offer of help would allow someone to obscure my radiance during my eventual triumph.  Aid must be either unmarked or untraceable for it to be accepted.

Me: Not bad.  I would have phrased it far better but it’s a start.  You have much Ayn Rand to misread.

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Coworker: Terry, I’ve been depressed lately.
Me: Bullshit, you’re sad.  Stop abusing words.
Coworker: I’m sad, how do you overcome sadness.
Me: Unmitigated Egotism.  Sometimes arrogance.
Coworker: Can you teach me to be arrogant.
Me: *Sharp Inhale* Are you willing to treat people like crap based on fleeting interactions?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Are you willing to put your self on the line by making fantastic claims that you couldn’t support but the listener couldn’t understand?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Are you willing to make your family feel like Barbie Dolls inhabiting your Malibu Dream house?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: Let us begin.
—Hours of Arrogance Training Later—
Me: So, despite not being me and therefore being inferior, what has your piddling brain grabbed.

  1. Superficial failings reflect deep personal inadequacies and these failings should be loudly and continually compared to one’s skills so the peon can learn from you.
  2. In that I’m better than everyone, all attributes I don’t possess are unnecessary and possibly even dangerous despite social and scientific evidence to the contrary.
  3. My shifting priorities are not a sign of inconsistency but of my ever expanding and superior understanding of the cosmos.
  4. Accepting an offer of help would allow someone to obscure my radiance during my eventual triumph.  Aid must be either unmarked or untraceable for it to be accepted.

Me: Not bad.  I would have phrased it far better but it’s a start.  You have much Ayn Rand to misread.

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I found the following in an Economist.com article on why kids can’t read:

No question, without a wimpy GUI, computers would never have become as popular as they are today. The command-line interface—with its forbidding prompt and blinking cursor—required mastering a whole catechism of arcane instructions that only a priesthood of computerdom could cherish.

When “root@computername:~# shutdown -h now” could be replaced by a simple click of a mouse to switch off a computer, novices of all ages and backgrounds could climb aboard the digital bandwagon.

via Economist.com 

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I found the following in an Economist.com article on why kids can’t read:

No question, without a wimpy GUI, computers would never have become as popular as they are today. The command-line interface—with its forbidding prompt and blinking cursor—required mastering a whole catechism of arcane instructions that only a priesthood of computerdom could cherish.

When “root@computername:~# shutdown -h now” could be replaced by a simple click of a mouse to switch off a computer, novices of all ages and backgrounds could climb aboard the digital bandwagon.

via Economist.com 

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I just received an email from a “Chrisitna Nurikar”. Normally when I respond, I put the recipients name in. But I’m not sure if it’s actually Chrisitna or a misspelling of Christina as the last name “Nurikar” points to some where East of the Caucasus and therefore a DMZ for name spellings.

I could respond with Chrisitna, whereas I would be seen as a dick, or possibly accurate or possibly an idiot as he or she may not know their own name was incorrectly spelled. Gha….

Update:  I read the rest of the email in detail and found the words “neblizer” instead of “nebulizer” and “slee apna” instead of “sleep apnea”.  I think she just can’t spell.

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I just received an email from a “Chrisitna Nurikar”. Normally when I respond, I put the recipients name in. But I’m not sure if it’s actually Chrisitna or a misspelling of Christina as the last name “Nurikar” points to some where East of the Caucasus and therefore a DMZ for name spellings.

I could respond with Chrisitna, whereas I would be seen as a dick, or possibly accurate or possibly an idiot as he or she may not know their own name was incorrectly spelled. Gha….

Update:  I read the rest of the email in detail and found the words “neblizer” instead of “nebulizer” and “slee apna” instead of “sleep apnea”.  I think she just can’t spell.

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I couldn’t think of anything interested that had happened during the OA weekend but slowly a repressed memory returned.  I had to double check with Chris Fosmire that it had actually happened as the incident was almost somnogogic.

I was in Totem Lodge, the main social building in camp and asked Chris Fosmire when I had gotten Vigil Honor, a level of recognition in the OA and he responded late August of 2001.  Mr. Williams, a crazy machinist who’s been in the OA since the dawn of Treasure Island that perpetually wears safety glasses thought for a moment a looked at me and said: It all makes sense.

Me: What does?
Him: You got Vigil in August and four weeks later, 9/11.

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I couldn’t think of anything interested that had happened during the OA weekend but slowly a repressed memory returned.  I had to double check with Chris Fosmire that it had actually happened as the incident was almost somnogogic.

I was in Totem Lodge, the main social building in camp and asked Chris Fosmire when I had gotten Vigil Honor, a level of recognition in the OA and he responded late August of 2001.  Mr. Williams, a crazy machinist who’s been in the OA since the dawn of Treasure Island that perpetually wears safety glasses thought for a moment a looked at me and said: It all makes sense.

Me: What does?
Him: You got Vigil in August and four weeks later, 9/11.

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Joe Naylor brought up the idea of using inflatable sumo suits at camp as an activity.  They’re a mere 3G’s for the suits and the safety mat.  Gha.

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At work, I’ve taken to writing individual tasks on spiral-bound fluorescent index cards and discarding each as I finish the task. The cards are quite easy to see and I’ve inadvertently given my boss a way of tracking my productivity. Today, I’d been in for a few hours and only had gone through two cards and a coworker gave me a hairy eyeball. After leaving, I threw about a 1/2 dozen empty cards in the recycling bin and received a much more approving look later.

I think I’m going to set aside six or seven cards to throw out and reuse daily to maintain the minimum appearance of productivity. Luckily, this is a new task each time, requiring anew card, further padding my excellence. I’m a f#$%ing genius.