While waiting in line at Bed Bath and Beyond to purchase my new stainless steel meat tenderizer two middle-aged women were waiting to check out in front of me.  One women was purchasing an Oster electric roster and the one women was attacking the other for buying it when the generic equivalent was so much cheaper and I heard the gem “If I had your money I wouldn’t worry about generic brands either”.  Fine, she’s a bitch and the other is pretentious.  The women’s attack on consumer culture fell flat when I spied the following on her person:  DKNY Handbag, Ralph Lauren Scarf, and and a Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation Pink Eagles baseball cap.
Saucy Fetishists
Today I recieved a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond and suddenly I had the urge for a 2 Quart copper-clad saucier. Â I stumbled around the pan section looking for my Holy Grail piece and after 15 minutes of unsuccess a sales associated asked if she could help. Â I explained what I was looking for and she directed me to this rubber-handled monstrosity. Â I asked rhetorically if the rubber handle could go into the oven and she said yes because it was cool touch… Â Wow. Â Rubber fetishists should be alerted to their new flame-retardant status.
Saucy Fetishists
Today I recieved a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond and suddenly I had the urge for a 2 Quart copper-clad saucier. Â I stumbled around the pan section looking for my Holy Grail piece and after 15 minutes of unsuccess a sales associated asked if she could help. Â I explained what I was looking for and she directed me to this rubber-handled monstrosity. Â I asked rhetorically if the rubber handle could go into the oven and she said yes because it was cool touch… Â Wow. Â Rubber fetishists should be alerted to their new flame-retardant status.
Fat + Physics > Thin + Asian Metaphysics
For the last day of IH 0051, my Asian instructor told us how the western paradigm of science failed to explain a number of things that could be done by people. Â One of his examples was how one could draw energy from the Earth Mother to grant people strength. Â This demonstration started with me sitting in a chair and three men and the instructor trying to lift me just using two fingers. Â They failed as the instructor stated, but after a few minutes of meditation they tried again. Â I thought they were going to succeed until I heard the first grunt of pain and felt myself falling onto the floor. Â It appears that Eastern meditation and the Earth Mother simply can’t overcome the powerful combination of a fat white man and physics.
Fat + Physics > Thin + Asian Metaphysics
For the last day of IH 0051, my Asian instructor told us how the western paradigm of science failed to explain a number of things that could be done by people. Â One of his examples was how one could draw energy from the Earth Mother to grant people strength. Â This demonstration started with me sitting in a chair and three men and the instructor trying to lift me just using two fingers. Â They failed as the instructor stated, but after a few minutes of meditation they tried again. Â I thought they were going to succeed until I heard the first grunt of pain and felt myself falling onto the floor. Â It appears that Eastern meditation and the Earth Mother simply can’t overcome the powerful combination of a fat white man and physics.
All good food is based on a crime
TJ and I went to the Great American for either a late dinner or early breakfast and finished it off with pie. Â The pie came out with a scoop each of vanilla and chocolate ice cream arranged as eyes of a simple smiley face and the pie itself as a nose. Â The server indicated that it was his own creation and stated he needed a name, to which I responded “black eye pie”, I was somewhat scared by the enthusiastic response he gave and we indicated that the pie was good. Â I hope it’s added so I can return with a sharpie and add “A Wife Beater’s Favorite!” to all the menus. Â Having it served with a bent fork shaped like a frown and blueberry syrup as tears would nicely complete the ensemble.
All good food is based on a crime
TJ and I went to the Great American for either a late dinner or early breakfast and finished it off with pie. Â The pie came out with a scoop each of vanilla and chocolate ice cream arranged as eyes of a simple smiley face and the pie itself as a nose. Â The server indicated that it was his own creation and stated he needed a name, to which I responded “black eye pie”, I was somewhat scared by the enthusiastic response he gave and we indicated that the pie was good. Â I hope it’s added so I can return with a sharpie and add “A Wife Beater’s Favorite!” to all the menus. Â Having it served with a bent fork shaped like a frown and blueberry syrup as tears would nicely complete the ensemble.
Bingo's Butt
While playing Scrabble vicariously through Chris Fosmire, a rare Bingo occasion occured. Â A Bingo in Scrabble is when one uses all 7 tiles at once and gets an additional 50 point bonus. Â In this case, there was an open D and the letters R E R I BLANK E E. Â Immediately we checked for DREERIER, but learned it was DREARIER, to which I responded “My ass that’s not a word.” Â Immediately, Chris grinned, turned the board and put down DERRIERE.
So simple it's complicated
I went to the Southampton Post Office today and after using the Digital Sales Terminal to send a package tried to throw out my receipt but one of the garbage cans was full. Â I notified a postal worker about this and received this gem in response: “We empty all the little trashcans into that one throughout the day, so that when we close we only have to empty one trashcan.” Â While I respect civil servants questing for efficiency, I believe there’s a shortfall in implementation.
Let us raise upon the Lord a joyful noise, w00t
Yet more IH 0051 religion presentations but this was without humorous mispronunciation. Â Instead, I learned of SGI Meditation and about the religion’s founder Daisaku Ikeda. Â A central practice of SGI meditation is the chanting a of a mantra numerous times during the day and the belief that doing so will bring peace and success. Â The founder has received 200 honorary doctorates and 150 honorary citizenships. Â While I appreciate the simplicity of the doctrine, I doubt its validity: Â I’ve been yelling “w00t!” as a prayer unto the Lord a few times a day for the last few years and no divine gifts have befallen me.