I did my monthly soda run yesterday and no longer needed to use my morning coffee voucher to get diet cola, so I got the French Vanilla girly coffee which I’m delighted to have found punishes neither my colon nor rectum.   Dashing for the train, the coffee was left ignore.

Hours later I returned remembering the coffee and eyeing up its semi-warmness but waited.  I dumped the coffee into a cup and started adding cherry cola and took a swig.

Flavor: Remember those little cherry stickers you got in 3rd grade that had little smiling cherries on them?  Imagine there was also a smiling coffee bean sticker that practiced sticker cannibalism and bit the cherry, and then you drunk his urine.  Same flavor, same temperature, although the effect dropped as the soda fraction jumped.  I doubt anthropomorphic fruit-stickers have carbonated urine, but they may, they’re anthropomorphic fruit-stickers.

Fresca has always had a special place in my stomach as the only thing vaguely grapefruit-like that I’ll consume. So when I saw Peach Citrus Fresca on sale I grabbed a 12 pack and dove in.

Flavor: You remember those peach rings that typically come in the bulk candy section of convenience stores usually under great names like “CandyZ” or “Fruit Fuid”? Well, take a half full of them, and let them steep in flat ginger-ale overnight. Garnish with lemon pith and you have yourself the Peach Citrus Fresca.

Goes with: If you’re the kind of person that smokes while on the patch, down these with some peach rings and wait for a kidney to shut down in protest. Alternatively, it may become palpable with some sort of Mandarin chicken or onion mango salad. I think it’d be interesting to try and marinade pork in it, and by interesting I mean a crime against porcine rights.