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Today, Patrick Robinson, son of Ryan and Amanda Robinson was born.  He’s very early, by over 12 weeks, and he’s quite small at under a pound.

From SuburbanAdventureRehost

That is my thumb for reference. He is quite small, and his odds are not too good at a square 50/50. Right now, his life is a dance between his developing body and an integrated automated care system that is keeping him alive. I never thought such humanity would lie between biology and technology with forces possessing no awareness of what they are doing.

I cried a lot after I heard the news. Not immediately after, but several hours after. I was on my treadmill, trying to stay distracted from Patrick’s precarious state and suddenly my heart rate shot up to 185 BPM which is 20-30 higher than I want it to be. I came downstairs, and my dad and I cried a lot and I’m not entirely sure why. I was an uncle and he was a grandfather, something we both wanted to be, but not this way. He went to bed exhausted but I wasn’t quite there yet so I placed some calls and I’d like to thank Pat Toye again for being my Go To person when I have an existential dilemma after 11 PM. He is good to me.

I’ve never been angry at a number before. As a student of statistics I know exactly what 50/50 odds mean and I understand how probabilities change over time, but 50/50 doesn’t give you a side to cheer for, there’s no underdog, there’s no expectation. 51/49 would have made me happier and I felt bad for that. Life should never be that close to a coin flip. Let us hope he is a fighter.

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2011 as a year was kind to me.  I lost 95 lbs, that’s kind of cool. I spent a good amount of time with those close to me, somehow managing to visit Chicago or see Peter 7 times and visit Cincinnati or see Suzie 11 times.  Distance is for chumps.  I didn’t write about it much, but I had the first notable relationship of my adult life this year and it fit neatly within the calendar year starting with a trip to Cirque Du Soleil in January and ending with me holding my phone and a sweater vest in a Kohl’s shortly before Halloween.

I cried a lot this year, and this is my short list of when:

There are a few others but they are private, not in the sense that I wouldn’t share them but in the sense that I wouldn’t know how to.

I have some things I’d like to do in 2012 but “resolution” would be too strong a word.  I’d like to start reclaiming activities I couldn’t do as a larger person and ice skating fits into that.  Hang gliding, skydiving, and breaking into abandoned buildings all fit in that category and these I look forward to trying.  If I can finish the year around 210 lbs, I think I will be satisfied.