I got an automated call today from Digital Services telling me there was a problem with my workstation install (computer troll setting up my desktop) and that I should use my system until the deficiency was fixed. I had nothing to do otherwise so I spent most of the day wandering around and avoiding eye contact with housekeeping. Around 1:00 PM after 5 hours a person from Digital Services comes by and drops off a mousepad. That was the deficiency, a mousepad. I USE A FUCKING OPTICAL MOUSE. To prove the point I started moving the mouse around on my face which kind of scared him and he left. I threw out the mousepad and set into making up time avoiding work by dicking around on the Internet.
Tag: tech support
Why don't you hand sign your emails?
For the last few weeks I’ve used a manually generated ID to get into work rather than using the ID scanner and today the secretary had enough.
Her: “Why don’t you have an ID? I have to make you a new one everyday.”
Me: “I emailed the form to security.”
Her: “Did you get it signed by your manager?”
Me: “No, it’s an electronic doc.”
Her: “Well that’s the problem. Â Your manager needs to sign it.”
Me: “How?”
Her: *Eye roll*
Me: (Wishing I could shoot laser beams from my eyes but smiling) “Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll get the electronic copy of the PDF signed by my manager.”
Her: Thank you.
From 0 to 3 in 20 minutes
Tech support is simultaneously a source of joy and frustration, especially if one is past the threshold of idiocy but before the gateway to mastery, today being betwain those became painfully clear.
Me:Â I currently have two login accounts and can never tell which I’m using
Tech:Â Isn’t there a different login name
Me:Â No
Tech: “That’s impossible”
Me:Â I thought that, too
Tech:Â Yes, it does list you twice, Mr. Robinson. Â It will take a few minutes to fix this, I will call back when it’s done
*Minutes later*
Tech:Â Mr. Robinson, you’re account’s have been reconciled
So, I try logging in, no success. Â Turns out “reconciled” is secret technical code for “I deleted them”. Â Needless to say, I called back, got another technician, who apologized, and created a new account. I logged in with it, it worked but when attempting to edit my employee information, found that there are now THREE Terry Robinsons, with the same address, work location, but different phone numbers. Â Arg…. If I’m lucky, the process will repeat such that I will be legion.
From 0 to 3 in 20 minutes
Tech support is simultaneously a source of joy and frustration, especially if one is past the threshold of idiocy but before the gateway to mastery, today being betwain those became painfully clear.
Me:Â I currently have two login accounts and can never tell which I’m using
Tech:Â Isn’t there a different login name
Me:Â No
Tech: “That’s impossible”
Me:Â I thought that, too
Tech:Â Yes, it does list you twice, Mr. Robinson. Â It will take a few minutes to fix this, I will call back when it’s done
*Minutes later*
Tech:Â Mr. Robinson, you’re account’s have been reconciled
So, I try logging in, no success. Â Turns out “reconciled” is secret technical code for “I deleted them”. Â Needless to say, I called back, got another technician, who apologized, and created a new account. I logged in with it, it worked but when attempting to edit my employee information, found that there are now THREE Terry Robinsons, with the same address, work location, but different phone numbers. Â Arg…. If I’m lucky, the process will repeat such that I will be legion.
You must answer me my questions three…
I tried to set-up all my user accounts at work so the entire day was spent in a cycle of cloak and dagger password negotiations that was reminiscent of a NES RPG, “to get your password requires your security code held by HR, but they will only give it to you in exchange for your BMS pin and a the Crystal of K’lllashaa.  Your BMS pin is your initials with a magic four digit code in between that is only revealed during nights of a full moon”.  So, I’m talking with the man from Security trying to get my PIN which “would be tough not to know *Gay laugh*, heh heh heh”.  And I’m trying to guess it like some sort of retarded HR carnival game only to find after using up my 3 guesses and having to call my manager over that it was actually my birthday DESPITE THE FUCKING FACT THAT I HAD TO VERIFY MY ID BY GIVING MY BIRTHDAY WHEN I CALLED.
That screw driver jammed itself in there itself
My computer’s been making an odd noise and today I found that it was the fan on my graphics card. Â I tried to clean it, and get the annoying buzz to stop I popped out the fan and gave it a thorough dedusting during which I lost one of the peg standoffs. Â After putting the card back in the computer, the buzzing was much louder, so, while running, I started jabbing at the fan with a precision screw driver trying to dislodge what could be making the noise. Â Despite my grace and agility, I lost hold of screw driver after it was stuck under the fan and the spinning fan launched the screw driver into my case fan while the GPU fan spun down to a halt. Â So, I performed a tried and true ritual of the DIY computer owner: I lied to tech support.
Tech Support: “Sir, do you see anything under the fan”
Me: Seeing piece of dislodged fan plastic, “No, nothing”
Tech Support: “That’s odd, usually the blades only have problems if a user tries to access the fan, have you sir”
Me: “Not at all, I don’t even have a screw driver”
Tech Support: “I’m sorry Mr. Robinson, we’ll send a replacement soon.”