Marketing’s recent return to our office clime has resulted in some odd collisions.  As a thank you to engineering, they left out donut holes for us assumably the night before as I saw no marketing folk in when I arrived at 5 AM.  There was a box on each photo copier and the coffee area and each of my passes about those areas netted two more donut holes, a habit some other early risers also picked up.  When the first marketing person did arrive the donut holes were largely gone and consolidated into one box that I wound up finishing the next day as no one wanted to take the last one,  despite having no qualms with consuming this lone survivor’s numerous kin.

I briefly convinced myself I’d not consumed in excess until I calculated that each box would have had to have been about 1/4 mile away from each other to create sufficient calorie expenditure to equilibrate input with output.  At least if I stuck to the two furthest boxes I could be fine within an order of magnitude.  That’s good enough in many sciences, I hope nutrition’s one of them.

I made crackerjacks for my Monday Baked Good and got a largely positive response except for a few people that did the following:

Person: You know *chomp chomp chomp*, this isn’t technically a baked good.
Me: *Shouting over the sound of their munching* Why not?
Person: Well, *chomp chomp* you didn’t really bake *chomp chomp chomp* it.
Me: *Avoiding getting between person and crackerjacks for fear of losing finger* It went in the oven for over an hour.
Person: *Chomp chomp* eh… I still think it’s cheating. *Takes  1/2 lb chunk and leaves*

Good to know their purity of purpose didn’t get in the way of them eating four pounds of crackerjacks.

I’d noticed a change in the tenor of work but didn’t get confirmation as to the cause until recently:
Me: Hey
Coworker: Yeah?
Me: Is it just me or are there more well-dressed angry people walking around?
Coworker: Global Marketing got moved into our building and they miss their spacier cubicles.
Me: Ah, that would also explain the increase in the number of expensive yogurts in the fridge and the uptick in the number people buying chai from the cafeteria.
Coworker: Yes.  I think we should change the uniform of R&D to sweats and see if we can make them pop.

I brought in oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and despite it being around 8:30 AM I saw about 1/2 were gone.  I poked around to see who was in and asked a coworker how many cookies he’d had to which he responded “six”.  “Really?” I asked, “I guess you really like them, then” I chuckled passive-aggressively. “No” he responded “I was just eating all the burnt ones so no one else would have to”.  Good idea, I should volunteer to eat all his steaks that I deem to have insufficient marbling and deem myself a public servant.

Me: So, the new guy seems to be working intensely at his computer and he’s only been here for like a week.
Coworker: Yeah, it’s kind of impressive, considering he only has a keyboard and monitor with no actual computer.
Me: Wow, that’s dedication.

One of my current boring tasks is preparing folders for work orders.  Apparently I prepared one incorrectly and received the following from an Eastern European Coworker:

Coworker: Terry.
Me: Yes?
Coworker: When you put sample drawings in folder, punch holes must be at top.
Me: Ok.  Does it matter?
Coworker: Does it matter?  Is vital!  I spend 40 minutes trying to figure out why drawing is upside down.  I created a whole AutoCAD file with upside down text and pouch spacing.  Then, I realized your problem and put new holes in the folder and had start over.  Now, paper is too light and when I go to file folder, I expect it heavier and slam wrist onto filing cabinet.  Is it important.

He told me.

One of my current boring tasks is preparing folders for work orders.  Apparently I prepared one incorrectly and received the following from an Eastern European Coworker:

Coworker: Terry.
Me: Yes?
Coworker: When you put sample drawings in folder, punch holes must be at top.
Me: Ok.  Does it matter?
Coworker: Does it matter?  Is vital!  I spend 40 minutes trying to figure out why drawing is upside down.  I created a whole AutoCAD file with upside down text and pouch spacing.  Then, I realized your problem and put new holes in the folder and had start over.  Now, paper is too light and when I go to file folder, I expect it heavier and slam wrist onto filing cabinet.  Is it important.

He told me.

I don’t recall everyone at work having previously taken off on Good Friday. But today, everyone was out. Everyone (hyperbole). I checked a few calendars and all listed “good Friday” as the reason to take off. I thought maybe my coworkers were more religious than I thought until I started pawing around. I got suspicious when both someone with the last name “Suberamanian” and “Steinberg” had taken off with reason of “Good Friday”. Either people or lying or the draw of the good word is far greater than I imagined.

My current work task is a glorified game of “find the hyphen”. I need to go through CAD drawing names and separate the title from the subtitle. Seemly a simple task until I found complications like “STD” used instead of “Standard” and “XS” instead of “Small” or “pediatric”. I thought I’d figured out all the oddities until my boss pointed out an error. One person had switched back and forth between XS, Small and Pediatric which I had just labeled XS. After parsing the filenames and datestamps and product types and request channels the only pattern I could find was that the term “Pediatric” was used if the request was reviewed by a female and “XS” or” Small” was used if the request was approved by a male. Hm…

The rollout of Outlook has been a bit closer to a stumbleandtripabitout and I had to call into the help desk to have them do some juju to push the install to my computer. To do this, he remoted into my computer, and accessed the Novell admin panel and went about his business. The install process was tedious as my computer is a spot underpowered. After about ten minutes I think he got board and started looking around my stem tray and desktop. He’d mouseover my portable app suite icon, and the Wakoopa tracker and spent more than a few seconds trying to figure out what the blinking Digsby icon was. To “monitor progress” he opened Task Manager and slowed down as he saw Keepass running as a process. After a few minutes he broke the silence held by staring at the installing and finally asked “so do you really like FoxIt Reader to Adobe Reader?” I replied “I do. It skips Adobe’s checksum which based on start time consists of calculating the 512K digits of pi.” I got a “hmmm…” out of him. I’m glad he didn’t find CCleaner, as I think the registry cleansing I ran caused the Outlook problem in the first place.