Secretary: I’m sorry that you’re being let go.
Me: Thank you.
Secretary: But really your lucky.
Me: In what way am I lucky?
Secretary: You know that you’re losing your job. The rest of us just have to sit around and wait. You’ll be at home looking for work and we’ll be here in a haze of terror.
Me: Then why don’t you quit and alleviate that fear?
Secretary: *silence*
Tag: work
Quick Travel
Word moved around quickly at work that all the leased workers, contractors, and consultants in R&D had been let go. The reply from most of the full-timers was warm and polite but it was odd to see who spoke first. The kitchen staff, mailroom staff, and some of the secretaries offered their condolenscences before most of the engineering staff. Maybe this was because these groups were well connected or maybe it was out of fear for their own jobs. People in ancillary positions may feel slightly more fireable compared to those related to core competencies.
Airing the sentiment of “you’ve been fired, I’m sorry” is a tough one but most people muddled through it as if a death had happened. Voices were hushed and groups broke up quickly after forming. I felt a slight indignity at the idea of “we don’t talk about this”. If you’re firing me, at least have the courtesy of keeping us informed.
Getting Fired
Boss: Terry, swing by my office in about 20.
Me: Ok.
*20 minutes later*
Boss: Friday’s your last day.
Me: Hm… my last day or others, too?
Boss: All of the temps and contractors in R&D.
Me: Ok.
Boss: Is there anything I can do?
Me: Show a hint of humanity.
Boss: I’m sorry.
Me: Thank you.
So, that sucks.
A Spanish Game
Our department was told that we needed to keep our areas more open so I’ve been throwing out impediments to sight lines at an amazing rate. I took this opportunity to further convince the Hispanic housekeeper that I’m insane:
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Playing a game.
Him: What kind of game?
Me: A game where you throw out things.
Him: What’s it called?
Me: Throw out the thing.
Him: How do you play?
Me: You throw out things.
Him: Are you good at it?
Me: Very good.
New CEO
There was an all hands meeting today with the new Chief Executive of my firm and he used no less than 11 figures of speech like “knock it out of the park” and so on which generally makes me dismiss what people have to say. After about 20 minutes of this with 25 minutes still left on the clock he asked for questions. I raised my hand, asked one, and received a non-answer, after clarification, other people were able to answer the question. After the meeting, my coworkers were a mix of hopeful and skeptical about the direction of the department.
I stayed late that evening and ran into the CEO and asked another question. He answered it and followed up:
CEO: What’s around your neck?
Me: Headphones.
CEO: What do you use them for?
Me: I listen to audiobooks or music when I’m doing certain repetitive tasks.
CEO: We don’t listen to music here.
I don’t know if I’d rather that be an arbitrary dictum, him getting back at me for embarrassing him at today’s meeting, or me being punished for bothering him on his way out.
Hurt Feelings
Joe: Terry.
Me: Yes.
Joe: Are you feeling ok?
Me: What do you mean?
Joe: Earlier, you clarified something you had said before that you thought might hurt my feelings.
Me: Did it.
Joe: No, but that’s not the point, you cared if it did. That seemed unusual for you so I thought I’d check that there wasn’t something wrong.
Normally the above would be a blip on my compassion radar except that later when someone introduced me to a member of IMQA I was greeted as “oh, you’re Terry, the nice boy in R&D”.
WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME.
Afterglow
A conversation I had 20 times today:
Coworker: So, did you pass your exam?
Me: I don’t know yet but I received a tentative pass mark, so I think so.
Coworker: When do you leave?
I hope I’ll be surrounded by so many supportive people in wherever I go next.
Fake Reward
Boss: Good job on those large-format prints. I’m rewarding you by letting you set up the two new workstations up front.
Me: Do you know what you just said?
Boss: Well, you like doing hardware work, so I figure it’d be a good reward.
Me: I don’t like it, I just prefer it. You essentially said “your reward for work is more work”. Rewards are things like attaboys, chocolates, a lunch out, or a promotion not more work. You were going to have me do it anyway, no?
Boss: Yes.
Me: Exactly, that’s like saying your reward for completing the first of three drawings is doing the second.
Boss: Will you drop this if I get John to bring in more caramel creams?
Me: Yes, yes I will.
Cheesecake Dodge
There are some people at work that have repeatedly proven to make my job easier. Sometimes this has been guiding me through a paperwork thicket and other times it’s just been keeping me abreast of changes coming down the pike that would influence how I do my job. These people receive special visits from me on cheesecake days and today I made my way downstairs with two pieces of chocolate-glazed cheesecake and dropped one off at the mailroom. My next target was in a cubicle farm downstairs and as I approached her desk her boss popped over to talk to her. I quickly dodged down another row not wanting him to catch me dropping off cheesecake. Why? To avoid this:
Him: What’s the cheesecake for?
Me: To thank her.
Him: For what?
Me: I did something crazy dangerous in the lab and rather than writing me up for it she helped hold the ladder while I changed the lightbulb one-handed over the mixer without safety glasses on.
I did a few circles around area and rechecked every few minutes to see if he had gone. The cube dwellers started to get suspicious so I had to walk around another wing. Finally he left and I dropped off the cheesecake. She was grateful and I later checked my pedometer logs to find that I had walked 2/3rds of a mile to avoid her boss.
Coworker Admission
Coworker: Terry, I have an admission to make.
Me: Yes?
Coworker: I tried your cheesecake yesterday and felt guilty after a bite so I threw it out.
Me: That’s ok.
Coworker: I’m not done yet.
Me: Oh.
Coworker: It was really good, so I took it back out again, and had some.
Me: Was your trashcan at least clean?
Coworker: Yes, but I’m still not done. I did that four more times.