Recent Flavor Combos I was unimpressed with:
Chocolate Covered Hotdog
Caramel Coated Cheezit
Horseradish Ice CreaM
Cheddar Trisket & Strawberry Mini Wheats cereal

Aaron: How do you stay awake through that?
Me: I don’t, my gut prevents my head from hitting the desk so it looks like I’m writing

“Terry, what’s the secret to staying warm?”
“A BMI that’s expressed in Scientific Notation”

Someone asked me if I trained to wear shorts all winter.  I shook my gut and replied “it takes dedication, tasty dedication”.

I accidentally purchased a pie when attempting to get a slice of carrot cake I pointed to the item using both hands, one giving the Z direction, the other giving the X direction.  Thinking I was pointing to the item on top, I received a Sugar Free Apple Pecan pie before I could say anything.  Oddly, this is the 2nd time this happened.

I recently purchased a pair of pants with the following string of adjectives of fatness: relaxed fit, expanded waist, pleated, double-strong fabric, stain-guard, smooth glide inseam and comfort seamed.  Wow.  Based on this , putting on these pants must be better than bed.

Retailers will use good looking people that could reasonable fit into the clothing but I noticed an exception.  While looking through a catalog for lab ninja pants, I found a picture for a size 56 waist pair of pants and realized if a guy of that physique needed that shirt he’d be 9 1/2 feet tall and weight 840 pounds.  Go realism!

I ripped my pants playing volleyball, but since so much fabric was torn so quickly a barametric shockwave errupted that nearly caused the ball to explode.

I purchased dinner for my father and I from Papa’s Wings on Bridgetown Pike and after ordering wings requested the light ranch dipping sauce.  When I brought the package home, the 12 wing meal I ordered contained 5 4 oz. containers of dip, 2 ranch and 3 blue cheese.  Pound for pound, I had more dip than meat.  It was barely enough.

While attempting to take a seat on the R3 today  the women next to the window looked at me in this absolutely aghast face that said “I will sit next to a person but not a stack of 55 gallon drums.” After I sat down she ruffled her magazine loudly, as if that would magically reduce my volume.

I was asked at a restaurant if I’d like the soup or salad and I responded “yes”.

I have found a way to overcome the problem of insufficient cookie dough to make a yield equal to the recipe: Size each cookie as if Nicole Richie were to have it for breakfast.

I made cookies for a bake sale today based on a recipe from Good Eats.  When finished I packed the 10 cookies onto parchment paper and wrapped them for sale.  I later saw the recipe was sized to make 3 dozen cookies.  Bet they’re tasty.