There’s only one way to properly celebrate the return of risen Jesus to earth: Ribs.  I think we should celebrate Jesus more often.  Also, I think we should do a better job of rotating between meats for various religious occasions.  I think kids would better remember the Feast Days of the Saints if there were more foods related to them.  “Blueberry tarts, it must be the Feast Day of Nicholas of Myra, Patron Saint of Pharmacists, Pawnbrokers and Prostitutes”.  Patron Saint of Prostitutes, yeah, I’m not making this up.  Remember this guy eventually turned into Santa Claus.  I’d love to see some kid convert to Christianity
Kid: Who’s Santa Claus?
Priest: The Patron Saint of Prostitutes and Pawnbrokers.
Kid: Sounds fun, I guess that’s why everyone likes Christmas.
I originally thought this was someone fucking with Wikipedia, but upon checking with the Catholic Saint network, it’s true. He’s also represented as “the bishop with three children”, even better.