Colon Correction

One gets used to a certain colonic rhythm on the commode. Go, go… flush. Wipe, wipe, flush and so on. If one has a somewhat regular diet and a consistent flush volume these rhythms are as natural as geese migration. I have recently switched from home-life to camp-life and am facing the double switch to small cans and a different diet and have frequently been struck by the change in fecal harmony. It’s now go, flush, go, flush, wipe, flush, flush. Which you can see is quite inefficient and I consider mildly ironic as low flow toilets are supposed to reduce the number of flushes. But if it takes 1.2 gallons to kill the beast and one has a 1 gallon tank versus a 1.5 gallon tank there is quite the waste.

The camp toilets have a second impediment to regularity in their sound. Most toilets have a distinct “I’m going to clog” noise that like the cry of a baby to its mother is instantly recognizable to its maker. My camp crapper makes this noise regardless of input and it took me several nights to calm down after the adrenaline rush of “get the plunger!” and the resultant spike in heart-rate. I figured after eight years these things would become second nature, sigh.