Graham's Law Be Damned

I’ve returned to the R&D Lab to run some testing to tide the lab over until I could train someone.   It was nice to be back in the lab working with things that actually existed and getting data but with it came some less interesting factors, like work order requesters who don’t understand physics:

Requester: When will the filter testing finish?
Me: It’ll take about 60 hours to do all the filters so probably two weeks.
Requester:  Is there a way to speed up the testing?  Could we increase the odorant gas flow?
Me:  No, we’d be leaving the parameters of the method.
Requester: Hmm… What if we just increase the flow rate?
Me: That’s the same thing.  That’s like increasing the speed of a car without increasing its velocity.
Requester: Could you make the gas… go faster?
Me: Yes, just put the quarter million dollar test rig under a heat lamp and pray that Graham’s Law of Diffusion doesn’t notice.
Requester: Can we do that?
Me: … No.

And he’s the one with the Master’s degree…