Unwarranted Fear

A coworker of mine seemed very agitated about something so I asked if something was amiss.  He said he had a colonoscopy the next day and he was worried.  Normally, I’d be fine with this response, except that this person has spent days interviewing people with questions like “so, how about your feces?” and “have you found any changes in rectal tenderness.”  He’s had his hand so far into animal colons that he nearly lost jewelry and I’m pretty sure he can identify the ilium, jejunum and duodenum by texture.  I saw him air his trepidation a few times and snapped:

Me: Really?  You know enough about the inner workings of the human colon that you could probably do the procedure yourself and probably design the tools to do it too.  It’ll be 1/10th as painful and there’s an anesthesiologist present who could probably down a bull elephant in 10 seconds.  You’ll be fine.  Man up and take it in the pooper.