My family was planning on going to Delaware to visit my aunt for Christmas.Â She hadn’t been feeling well leading up to today so I had purchased Christmas dinner parts just in case.Â Then, at 9 AM, word came down that we were staying put.
Dad: Well, we’re not going to your aunt’s.Â Where do you want to go instead?Â Everywhere will probably be crowded.
Me: I will make dinner.
Dad: Ok, I guess we should go get a turkey…
Me: No, my terms are as follows.Â I will pay for, prepare, and clean up after dinner with the understanding that I have full control over the menu and I get the kitchen to myself for four uninterrupted hours.
Dad: What are you planning on making?
Me: Bacon-crusted roast pork, turkey tenderloin, mash potatoes from a box as god intended them, an assortment of cheese and crackers, truffles, a raspberry tart, crescent rolls, and possibly a soup.
Dad: Are you sure we can’t have a whole turk…
Me: Those are my terms, they are non-negotiable.
Dad: You’ve thought about this.
Me: For five years, yes.
Dad: What if I pay for the…
Me: No whole turkey.
Dad: What about drinks?
Me: Christmas will be BYOB.
Me: Lovely to work with you, now get out of my kitchen.