â€œGo climbingâ€ was an item I’ve been itching to remove from my â€œReasons I Hate Being Fatâ€ list and today, with the help of Bill Schilling, I successfully left the ground.
A few things quickly became apparent:
*My hands sweat profusely. To maintain a reasonable level of grip I had to chalk my hands every 10-15 minutes. Luckily, chalk isn’t an expensive commodity.
*I have no concept of height. I winced when I had to make a leap of about four feet but had no problem when I fell from a height of about eight feet.
*I go â€œhmâ€¦â€ a lot when I climb.
*Climbing is the most effective way to destroy every muscle between your neck and nipples. Later on, I proved incapable of properly putting on my seatbelt, operating a door latch, and opening a jar of pickles. It hurt so good.
The attendant staff member had incredible hair. I claimed it was network anchor hair and Bill said that it was shampoo commercial hair. Either way, it was a spectacular mane of which I hope he was proud.