The “I was arguing with Jehovah’s Witnesses” excuse worked quite well in delaying my Act Sci homework. I wonder if “I had help euthanize a duck” will work as a delaying tactic for my Law midterm paper.
Author: Terry
The duck was taken an animal hospital to review his non-healed leg. Turns out it’s a compound break and the leg bone in breaking through the skin under the wing. Luckily, the only duck surgeon in Bucks County was on call and assessed the duck meticulously.
Doctor: I fixed the leg of a chicken of a similar situation. It took weeks of visits but the chicken made it through.
Ryan: How much would that cost?
Doctor: Around $1000.00.
Ryan: *pause* I think we’ll get a second opinion.
I recommended Madrigal’s Meat Market but he wasn’t interested. After all this, he refused to eat the damn thing. So not only does he need to find a way to non-violently euthanize the duck but then we have to bury it.
So great is my enjoyment of discourse, I may be the only person that likes when Jehovah’s Witnesses visit. Today was an exception, I needed to make the train and I was making breakfast when the nice, well dressed victims evangels arrived. The opening salvo was “Have you heard of the Bible?” it took all my strength to keep the smile from creeping across my when I said “yes” with a nonchalant head bob. I glance at my watch, eight minutes before I need to leave when the ax falls.
Her: Do you believe the Bible is true?
Me: Do you mean Biblical inerrancy?
Her: Well, yes, I suppose.
Me: The next six or seven minutes was a blur of references to ancient Assyrian and then the problems with the King James version while attempting to point out the properties of God that aren’t proven in the Old Testament.
When I woke up cleaning my electric skillet I watched the seconds tick by as I missed my train. Normally not a problem, but I had a project due in Actuarial Modeling. I now need to explain to my instructor why I handed in a project late because I was arguing with Jehovah’s Witnesses. Thursday shall be fun.
So great is my enjoyment of discourse, I may be the only person that likes when Jehovah’s Witnesses visit. Today was an exception, I needed to make the train and I was making breakfast when the nice, well dressed victims evangels arrived. The opening salvo was “Have you heard of the Bible?” it took all my strength to keep the smile from creeping across my when I said “yes” with a nonchalant head bob. I glance at my watch, eight minutes before I need to leave when the ax falls.
Her: Do you believe the Bible is true?
Me: Do you mean Biblical inerrancy?
Her: Well, yes, I suppose.
Me: The next six or seven minutes was a blur of references to ancient Assyrian and then the problems with the King James version while attempting to point out the properties of God that aren’t proven in the Old Testament.
When I woke up cleaning my electric skillet I watched the seconds tick by as I missed my train. Normally not a problem, but I had a project due in Actuarial Modeling. I now need to explain to my instructor why I handed in a project late because I was arguing with Jehovah’s Witnesses. Thursday shall be fun.
Dispatch from the Frontline: Stinkbug Death Count
39 11:56 PM, 09 Oct 2007, I may have killed the queen. Were it not to be the queen, I killed the queen’s mom.
38 6:55 PM, 09 Oct 2007, they have not learned to stay off the light bulb
37 6:00 PM, 09 Oct 2007, they have learned to stay off the fan
36 5:04 PM, 09 Oct 2007, and stay off my fan
35 4:39 PM, 09 Oct 2007, get off my God damn fan
34 4:37 PM, 09 Oct 2007, I can smell their fear (as well as a number of cyanides they produce)
32Â 4: 11 PM, 09 Oct 2007
I fell asleep in Finance and felt no remorse about sleeping through it. At the end of class I woke up and the guy next to me asked if got little sleep during the weekend.
Me: Nope, I slept this weekend. My brain cells liked it so much they thought they’d start training to prep for tonight.Other Highlight: Normally, when a stinkbug tools around, I let it tool around and ignore it. Today, one popped out of my printer, my God damn printer. War. I began killing them with a pair of tweezers I stole from work. That was too slow, I moved onto packaging tape on a piece of cardboard. Even that was too slow, I moved to the Dyson. Death count is now available above.
Eagle Court of Honor followed by Troop Court of Honor. The highlight of the first was when Chris King, our local representative to the state house recognized Troop 78 as Troop 168 (at least it’s right if you sum the first two digits). After he recognized the triumphs of the wrong troop number I cheered “Go 168!” everyone else in the troop cheered and Chris King smiled his idiot smile. I know who I’m not voting for next November.
5-Color was fun and immediately following I visited TJ and Val and enjoyed some keen fireworks courtesy of Arcadia University. As the various shells went off I took it upon myself to suck all the wonder out of it by explaining the various mechanisms and coloring agents. Immediately followed was a 2 hour ordeal of attempting to shoo off a barn of TJs. All the normal attempts to be rid of him failed to dump him up too and including “Hey, TJ and Val, let’s go back to my place!” and “TJ I’m looking forward to seeing that new TV of yours.” Nothing worked until I finally made up an elaborate ruse involving visiting from the other side of Philly and having rented the car and rarely being able to visit. I think the weight of his anger reduced my fuel economy by half as I drove him home after trying to pry him off our Wawa trip. TJ and I recovered by reviewing 30 pages of lolcats.
Friday Night Magic is normally the high point of my Friday and this was no exception.
1) Ryan Oberholtzer complained about the number of shield bugs in my house. He removed the top of a box of Magic cards and a shield bug flew out and almost went up his nose.
2) A woman left her children in Cyborg 1 for about 90 minutes and before she returned I grilled the kids on why his mother left him there to the point where the owner nearly ejected me. The kid goes to the can and the mother comes back slightly inebriated and starts panicking because her son isn’t there.
Woman: Where’s my son?
Store Owner: Pardon?
Woman: My son! He was here a bit ago!
Store Owner: How old was he?
Woman: Nine.
Me, cutting off store owner:Â Are you suggesting that you left your nine year-old son alone while you went to dinner?
Woman: No…… It was just for a minute.
Me: *Looks at watch, raises eyebrow*
Woman: Here her is!
Son, coming through back door: Mom, you’re back, can I get this *holds up Hulk World War*
Woman: No, I don’t know why you’d want anything here.
Good enough to abandon him there, but not good enough to buy stuff, hm….
3) Marcus calling 4 Caucasian males n*ggers.
The duck has been healing slowly but today we noticed he won’t really walk on his left foot. Thinking about it, he’s been shafted. He’s a duck bred for meat that can’t fly with a bum leg. Think of a fat, dullard triplegic and you have the current state of our duck. On the plus size, his restricted movement will make him far more tender come Christmas Time.