My atlatl darts came yesterday while I was at work so I picked it up at the post office. Â The box was about 7 feet long and 4″ x 4″ prompting the postal worker to ask what it was. Â I replied “Do-it-yourself pole vaulting kit”.
Author: Terry
Why don't you hand sign your emails?
For the last few weeks I’ve used a manually generated ID to get into work rather than using the ID scanner and today the secretary had enough.
Her: “Why don’t you have an ID? I have to make you a new one everyday.”
Me: “I emailed the form to security.”
Her: “Did you get it signed by your manager?”
Me: “No, it’s an electronic doc.”
Her: “Well that’s the problem. Â Your manager needs to sign it.”
Me: “How?”
Her: *Eye roll*
Me: (Wishing I could shoot laser beams from my eyes but smiling) “Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll get the electronic copy of the PDF signed by my manager.”
Her: Thank you.
Why do I hate the Socratic Method?
My IH0052 Instructor conducts classes by primarily asking questions AKA the Socratic Method. Â As the Faulknerian Idiot Man Children in our class seemed incapable of answering without simply restating the question and I get rather bored showing my greater breadth of knowledge in all things animal, vegetable and mineral, I I asked him if he planned on doing so the entire semester. to which he responded “what is the Socratic Method?” Â I nearly committed my first hate crime.
This post may not seem funny to most people, but if you’ve ever seen me bludgeon Dan DiSalvo, Kenny Moritz, or any one at OSR that uses the Socratic Method you’d know the approximate wattage of the beams of rage coming from my eyes at my teacher’s response could have lit candles at a distance or melted steel.
Multiplication FTW
Periodically we get work requests in the lab that are time consuming, sometimes because combinatronics hits people upside the head. Â As children, I think we all learned the “if Sally has 3 shirts and 5 shoes, she has 15 shirt-shoe combinations”. Â Well, today I previewed a work order that had 6 materials, with 6 treatments, to put through 4 destructive tests each requiring 10 samples at 3 separate time intervals for a total sample demand of 4320 combinations. Â When I asked the requester for the samples, he replied “will 200 be enough?”, reply: “Assuming I can cut them into pieces the size of the portion of your brain that takes care of multiplication, yes”.
Joy, in desk form
Act Sci 305 was moved to a different class to get a larger chalkboard and I immediately voiced my concerns as the previous class had lab benches were these desks properly sized for 12 year olds.
Mrs. A: Do you really like the other class better?
Me: Yes, there was enough room to have two books and a calculator on every desk.
Mrs. A: But the board’s smaller and everyone’s further away.
Me: But the speakers in here sound like the Queen Mary’s fog horn if you walk by the transmitter.
Mrs. A: Who likes the other room better?
*Everyone over 6′ or 200lbs raises their hands*
Mrs. A: Okay, I’ll think about it.
Me: But, the other class is so much better.
Mrs. A: Okay, now the region of death for a…
Me: The other class is amazing! Everyone fits.
Mrs. A: *Death stare* newborn of age zero is charted by…
Me: The other class is the Elysian Fields of Temple. Â As you enter, you are greated by Calliope, Muse of Song, and Tersichord dances in the back as Urania whispers sacred knowledge into one’s ears under the auspices of Pallas Athena and…
Mrs. A: Alright, we’ll go back to the other class.
Me: Thank you.
Joy, in desk form
Act Sci 305 was moved to a different class to get a larger chalkboard and I immediately voiced my concerns as the previous class had lab benches were these desks properly sized for 12 year olds.
Mrs. A: Do you really like the other class better?
Me: Yes, there was enough room to have two books and a calculator on every desk.
Mrs. A: But the board’s smaller and everyone’s further away.
Me: But the speakers in here sound like the Queen Mary’s fog horn if you walk by the transmitter.
Mrs. A: Who likes the other room better?
*Everyone over 6′ or 200lbs raises their hands*
Mrs. A: Okay, I’ll think about it.
Me: But, the other class is so much better.
Mrs. A: Okay, now the region of death for a…
Me: The other class is amazing! Everyone fits.
Mrs. A: *Death stare* newborn of age zero is charted by…
Me: The other class is the Elysian Fields of Temple. Â As you enter, you are greated by Calliope, Muse of Song, and Tersichord dances in the back as Urania whispers sacred knowledge into one’s ears under the auspices of Pallas Athena and…
Mrs. A: Alright, we’ll go back to the other class.
Me: Thank you.
From 0 to 3 in 20 minutes
Tech support is simultaneously a source of joy and frustration, especially if one is past the threshold of idiocy but before the gateway to mastery, today being betwain those became painfully clear.
Me:Â I currently have two login accounts and can never tell which I’m using
Tech:Â Isn’t there a different login name
Me:Â No
Tech: “That’s impossible”
Me:Â I thought that, too
Tech:Â Yes, it does list you twice, Mr. Robinson. Â It will take a few minutes to fix this, I will call back when it’s done
*Minutes later*
Tech:Â Mr. Robinson, you’re account’s have been reconciled
So, I try logging in, no success. Â Turns out “reconciled” is secret technical code for “I deleted them”. Â Needless to say, I called back, got another technician, who apologized, and created a new account. I logged in with it, it worked but when attempting to edit my employee information, found that there are now THREE Terry Robinsons, with the same address, work location, but different phone numbers. Â Arg…. If I’m lucky, the process will repeat such that I will be legion.
From 0 to 3 in 20 minutes
Tech support is simultaneously a source of joy and frustration, especially if one is past the threshold of idiocy but before the gateway to mastery, today being betwain those became painfully clear.
Me:Â I currently have two login accounts and can never tell which I’m using
Tech:Â Isn’t there a different login name
Me:Â No
Tech: “That’s impossible”
Me:Â I thought that, too
Tech:Â Yes, it does list you twice, Mr. Robinson. Â It will take a few minutes to fix this, I will call back when it’s done
*Minutes later*
Tech:Â Mr. Robinson, you’re account’s have been reconciled
So, I try logging in, no success. Â Turns out “reconciled” is secret technical code for “I deleted them”. Â Needless to say, I called back, got another technician, who apologized, and created a new account. I logged in with it, it worked but when attempting to edit my employee information, found that there are now THREE Terry Robinsons, with the same address, work location, but different phone numbers. Â Arg…. If I’m lucky, the process will repeat such that I will be legion.
Treadmill < me < ceiling fan
I’ve been screwing around with my treadmill and discovered you could set the incline to change automatically at specific times and to test I set the machine to go from a 4 to a 10 degree incline at 5 minutes. Â This is what it sounded like:
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *WHACK* “FUCK!”
Never place an adjustable incline treadmill immediately beneath a low operating ceiling fan.
Treadmill < me < ceiling fan
I’ve been screwing around with my treadmill and discovered you could set the incline to change automatically at specific times and to test I set the machine to go from a 4 to a 10 degree incline at 5 minutes. Â This is what it sounded like:
*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *WHACK* “FUCK!”
Never place an adjustable incline treadmill immediately beneath a low operating ceiling fan.