My brother decided to test out the NordicTrac I found on Craigslist and gave him this Christmas. I warned him that the motion require was initially awkward and I left to avoid the cries of pain and angst that would flow from my room. 10 minutes, I returned to my brother yelling “I got it!” Which was true, in a sense, normally the pose one takes is something like this. He was using it like this.
I WON CHRISTMAS!
I WON CHRISTMAS! Â How? Â Every year my brother and I have a gift giving duel over my father, he being or provider we kinda go nuts. Â I planned this time, staked out deals during Black Friday, took out extra money as a “student loan” and today I struck. Â We began with small arms, wallet, he returned with BB gun ammo. Â I escalated to shoes and two pair of jeans and he returned with a BB gun. Â Then the big guns, he presented a new slip differential cover and he looked at me cockily when the paper came off the 20″ LCD TV FOR THE KITCHEN!!! Â Now he can watch Victory at Sea and other 1950s movies in colors that hadn’t been invented yet. Â And with that, I proved that I was a better son by spending more money. Â If money can’t buy love, what can?
Maybe this is why their stock has tanked
While waiting in the customer pick up area of CircuitCity I walked into a discussion between a women and a stock agent. She wanted the original box and the man went into the stockroom and returned saying the original box wasn’t available.  She asked for the original packaging, the stock agent once again entered the stockroom and returned saying that wasn’t available.  The women asked for another box and the stock agent went into the back and as the stock agent came back saying he found the box bringing with him a dolly to move the TV, the women told the man she didn’t want the box. As he returned to the stock room he left the dolly accidentally preventing the door from closing and yelled “the bitch didn’t want the fuckin’ box” not aware the door was open.  Now that’s customer service.
Happy Birthday Jesus
I was having a bad day, until I saw the world’s greatest Christmas display . Â A giant plywood birthday card that said “Happy Birthday Jesus” on it.
Blind Dick
While attempting to find a hockey jersey with my brother I noticed this:
Worst Aquarium Trip Ever
Urine samples during the Civil War
I received a packet to fill out for re-employment at BMS and my father asked about the drug test portion. Â I told him that I took the packet to a local testing center and they sent the results to BMS to which he responsed. “You can just go when you want, and to any location? Â In my day, when we had to do a mandatory drug test for our employer we got a cup and a finger pointing to the door, none if this ‘schedule it when you want stuff’, yeesh” I think that may get an award as the world’s oddest “In my day” speech.
Pwned by Stevie Wonder's Headcrab
Undaunted by yesterday’s utter failure I began planning a more efficient route on my time attack of Half-Life: Blueshift. Â At one point after clearing out all bad guys I left to use the bathroom only to return 20 minutes later with my dead corpse being raped by a headcrab that over the course of the last 20 minutes had rendered me limb from limb 2 health points at a time. Â Note to self: Hit escape before using the restroom.
Pwned by Stevie Wonder
I have set myself a goal of producing a speed run of Half-Life: Blue Shift.  If you’re not familiar, a speed run is where one tries to complete a game as quickly as possible, also called a time attack.  I set down at noon to begin with the initial goal of completing it by 2.  At 4 PM I rose from my computer and went to the bathroom with my head down.  At 6 I arose again to eat dinner.  At 7 I saw the line by Maxim Online with the review of Blue Shift stating “Stevie Wonder could beat the game in 5 hours.”  It appears I have some work to do.
Prime Time Shipping
I signed up for Amazon Prime for free 2 Day shipping thinking it’d be faster and indeed it is. Â But it’s so fast, when you buy it, Amazon ships like 8 seconds after you click buy. Â Normally I buy and then use the cancel feature, that option is now gone. Â My unseasoned cast iron skillet arrived. Â I didn’t want the skillet, and I can’t return it as the return shipping for cast iron skillets runs about as much as the skillet. Â The skillet now sits next to the 10 inch skillet, plane micrograter, Dilbert calender, and pot lid sorter as reminders that Amazon Prime works by different rules. Â Be warned impulse shoppers, be warned.