The mouse death count is now up to 15 and I have proof that they’re getting more desparate or lazy: Â Today, a single mouse had his head in one trap and his leg in another. Â Overachiever.
Overachiever
The mouse death count is now up to 15 and I have proof that they’re getting more desparate or lazy: Â Today, a single mouse had his head in one trap and his leg in another. Â Overachiever.
Naked big breasted women don't just fall out of the sky
I got into an argument with the girl who sits to chairs to my right and I got into an argument over the large non-functional belt. Â She claimed that it had a perfect use as a blending accessory, I said it looked ridiculous. Â I also stated I hate the front hair curl that’s become popular. Â Once again she said she liked it and was going to wear her hair that way on Thursday along with a giant non-functional belt. Â While she’s quite attractive, I fear a monster may enter class on Thursday but on the plus side, if this reverse psychology bears through, I’m going to vent my anger at women who wear deep plunging neck lines, push up bras and ribbon thongs.
That screw driver jammed itself in there itself
My computer’s been making an odd noise and today I found that it was the fan on my graphics card. Â I tried to clean it, and get the annoying buzz to stop I popped out the fan and gave it a thorough dedusting during which I lost one of the peg standoffs. Â After putting the card back in the computer, the buzzing was much louder, so, while running, I started jabbing at the fan with a precision screw driver trying to dislodge what could be making the noise. Â Despite my grace and agility, I lost hold of screw driver after it was stuck under the fan and the spinning fan launched the screw driver into my case fan while the GPU fan spun down to a halt. Â So, I performed a tried and true ritual of the DIY computer owner: I lied to tech support.
Tech Support: “Sir, do you see anything under the fan”
Me: Seeing piece of dislodged fan plastic, “No, nothing”
Tech Support: “That’s odd, usually the blades only have problems if a user tries to access the fan, have you sir”
Me: “Not at all, I don’t even have a screw driver”
Tech Support: “I’m sorry Mr. Robinson, we’ll send a replacement soon.”
Nick's Big and Tall, for all your blown crotch needs
I was picking up a piece of trash when I heard the distinctive ripping noise that all self-aware fat men fear. Â It is the noise of inferior stitching, mediocre materials, and a profound embarrassment. Â Oddly, this tear was at my knee, but it slowly grew up my leg as the day progressed and with four hours to go a 8″ air vent at my thigh I new action needed to be taken. Â So, during my lunch break I drove around wildly in Jersey streets I’d never seen in what was going to be a vain effort to get new pants. Â As I stepped into my vehicle the tear extended to a “America’s Funniest Home Videos” level and I had to go for broke. Â When all hope seemed lost I saw in the distance “Nick’s Big and Tall”, a look at my watch showed 4:55 PM giving me 5 minutes to find a way to due a U-turn (stupid jug handles) and buy new pants. Â At 4:59PM I bust through the door wearing my judge striped shirt, polished shoes and pants that look like they had contained a crotch-origined mortar blast and state “I need pants!”. Â The help was quick and efficient and I returned to the venue and no one was the wiser… If you’re a giant man with busted slacks in Tom’s River New Jersey I highly recommend talking to a man call Lorenzo at Nick’s Big and Tall.
Nick's Big and Tall, for all your blown crotch needs
I was picking up a piece of trash when I heard the distinctive ripping noise that all self-aware fat men fear. Â It is the noise of inferior stitching, mediocre materials, and a profound embarrassment. Â Oddly, this tear was at my knee, but it slowly grew up my leg as the day progressed and with four hours to go a 8″ air vent at my thigh I new action needed to be taken. Â So, during my lunch break I drove around wildly in Jersey streets I’d never seen in what was going to be a vain effort to get new pants. Â As I stepped into my vehicle the tear extended to a “America’s Funniest Home Videos” level and I had to go for broke. Â When all hope seemed lost I saw in the distance “Nick’s Big and Tall”, a look at my watch showed 4:55 PM giving me 5 minutes to find a way to due a U-turn (stupid jug handles) and buy new pants. Â At 4:59PM I bust through the door wearing my judge striped shirt, polished shoes and pants that look like they had contained a crotch-origined mortar blast and state “I need pants!”. Â The help was quick and efficient and I returned to the venue and no one was the wiser… If you’re a giant man with busted slacks in Tom’s River New Jersey I highly recommend talking to a man call Lorenzo at Nick’s Big and Tall.
Deaf Poking
While helping with Grand Prix: New Jersey I was watching a match in extra turns that took too long and the head judge had words with me.
Him: “There’s no reason that extra turns should take that long”
Me: “But we had difficulty communica..”
Him: “You should have been standing over him moving play along”
Me: “I had to write..”
Him: “Shout into their ears what needs to happen next every two seconds!”
Me: “But one of the players was deaf!”
Him: *Pause* “Then you should have been poking him every two seconds!”
Deaf Poking
While helping with Grand Prix: New Jersey I was watching a match in extra turns that took too long and the head judge had words with me.
Him: “There’s no reason that extra turns should take that long”
Me: “But we had difficulty communica..”
Him: “You should have been standing over him moving play along”
Me: “I had to write..”
Him: “Shout into their ears what needs to happen next every two seconds!”
Me: “But one of the players was deaf!”
Him: *Pause* “Then you should have been poking him every two seconds!”
Judge Smash!
I understand fat malcontents to a degree most don’t. Â Loud, inquisitive people are my folk but a person from Virginia tried my patience…. During a GPT, we had to switch locations half-way through and I had to give a game loss to man who was late.Him:“I wouldn’t have been late if you hadn’t changed the venue”
Me: “Sir, we provided 90 minutes for you to make the change and provided directions”
Him: “I’m from Virginia, how was I supposed to know where it was?”
Me: “Sir, we provided directions and gave you 90 minutes”
Him: “How was I supposed to know what a jug handle was or where the Holiday Inn was?”
Me (losing temper): “How about from previous driving experience? Â Just because your state has 9 miles of paved road outside of Richmond and DC doesn’t mean you can hold other states to your abysmal transit standard and the belief that only white folks can have indoor plumbing. Â As for finding the place, the directions with which you had so much trouble contained two turns and one of the turns was a merge. Â I know you were stunned to see more than 3 cars in the same segment of road but the giant glowing sign that said HOLIDAY INN would be a decent giveaway, but I suppose that’s too much for us city boys to expect.”
I’ll probably receive a letter from the DCI concerning judge etiquette. Â Should I, I will frame it a place it on me wall.
HOE, you read me right.
So, it’s 11:00 PM, I need to stay up late to fuck up my sleep schedule for the weekend, I just got a bunch of avocados and a GPS unit, what to do? Make salsa, call Dave and try to spell words using the GPS-trace function of Microsoft Streets and Trips 2007. This wonderful function allows you to trace where you’ve been so you can either backtrack when you’re lost or spell condescending adjectives in areas with grid streets. Here was our first attempt.
That took about 20 minutes and one day we hope to do an opening line of Shakespeare or something equally Byzantine.