I got an automated call today from Digital Services telling me there was a problem with my workstation install (computer troll setting up my desktop) and that I should use my system until the deficiency was fixed.  I had nothing to do otherwise so I spent most of the day wandering around and avoiding eye contact with housekeeping.  Around 1:00 PM after 5 hours a person from Digital Services comes by and drops off a mousepad.  That was the deficiency, a mousepad.  I USE A FUCKING OPTICAL MOUSE.  To prove the point I started moving the mouse around on my face which kind of scared him and he left.  I threw out the mousepad and set into making up time avoiding work by dicking around on the Internet.

I tried to set-up all my user accounts at work so the entire day was spent in a cycle of cloak and dagger password negotiations that was reminiscent of a NES RPG, “to get your password requires your security code held by HR, but they will only give it to you in exchange for your BMS pin and a the Crystal of K’lllashaa.  Your BMS pin is your initials with a magic four digit code in between that is only revealed during nights of a full moon”.  So, I’m talking with the man from Security trying to get my PIN which “would be tough not to know *Gay laugh*, heh heh heh”.  And I’m trying to guess it like some sort of retarded HR carnival game only to find after using up my 3 guesses and having to call my manager over that it was actually my birthday DESPITE THE FUCKING FACT THAT I HAD TO VERIFY MY ID BY GIVING MY BIRTHDAY WHEN I CALLED.

While waiting in the customer pick up area of CircuitCity I walked into a discussion between a women and a stock agent.  She wanted the original box and the man went into the stockroom and returned saying the original box wasn’t available.  She asked for the original packaging, the stock agent once again entered the stockroom and returned saying that wasn’t available.  The women asked for another box and the stock agent went into the back and as the stock agent came back saying he found the box bringing with him a dolly to move the TV, the women told the man she didn’t want the box. As he returned to the stock room he left the dolly accidentally preventing the door from closing and yelled “the bitch didn’t want the fuckin’ box” not aware the door was open.  Now that’s customer service.

I’m trying to make shirts for a Christmas gift for my fathering involving Iron On decals.  In a flash of insight I decided a flat constant heat panini maker might work.  So, I ventured to Macy’s which had a panini maker on sale and began looking for a sandwich maker with a flat surface.  As I looked around, a sales attendent asked me what I was looking for and I told her a panini maker with even heating and before I could say “and a flat surface” she launched in a detailed analysis of each proposing I purchase this one.  I said I need a flat one and she looked at me and recommended a non-flat one, this happened a few more times until she finally asked why I needed a flat one and said plainly “Some people use panini makers to make t-shirts, not just sandwiches”, and she looked blankly as I walked away self-righteously.

Today I recieved a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond and suddenly I had the urge for a 2 Quart copper-clad saucier.  I stumbled around the pan section looking for my Holy Grail piece and after 15 minutes of unsuccess a sales associated asked if she could help.  I explained what I was looking for and she directed me to this rubber-handled monstrosity.  I asked rhetorically if the rubber handle could go into the oven and she said yes because it was cool touch…  Wow.  Rubber fetishists should be alerted to their new flame-retardant status.

Today I recieved a 20% off coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond and suddenly I had the urge for a 2 Quart copper-clad saucier.  I stumbled around the pan section looking for my Holy Grail piece and after 15 minutes of unsuccess a sales associated asked if she could help.  I explained what I was looking for and she directed me to this rubber-handled monstrosity.  I asked rhetorically if the rubber handle could go into the oven and she said yes because it was cool touch…  Wow.  Rubber fetishists should be alerted to their new flame-retardant status.

My 8-Port Switch took a beating while at Summer Camp and I puchased a new one from Staples a week ago with plans on returning the old one in it’s stead.  I walk in non-schalantly and put the perfectly boxed switch on the customer service counter and then my plan hit a snag.  The service agent turned the device around and showed me where I had marked in multi-color Sharpie which ports worked and which went to what device.  Oops.  So, I did the only thing I could, I told a rediculous lie.  I looked the rep straight in the eye and said “It came like that”.

After watching a lot of Voyager yesterday, I noticed today’s episodes stalled. After fiddling I discovered it was my new Plextor PX-755SA, THE ONE I GOT TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO. In that this is my 3rd Plextor drive that will have needed replacement in 2 months, I’ve created a new device for Plextor customer service. taintbatI call it the taint-bat. The custom taintpin is designed to maximize taint-bat combat and ensure good connection. The pin is located on the sweetspot to minimize vibration and lead to a more comfortable experience for the taint-bludgeoner.

Casual Male has always been my clothier of last resort due to their prices and odd locations but a few months back when I purchased a shirt under considerable duress they were the only game in town.  Shortly after purchasing the shirt developed a very clear rip along the seaming of the shoulder, something very difficult to due unless you’re going Bruce Banner on the damn thing.  I attempted to return it for a replacement today and was rebuffed when I couldn’t prove it was from Casual Male:
Me: But it’s from your store
Him: I’m sorry, sir.  But without a receipt we’re not certain it didn’t come from another retailer
Me: Inner Harbor is a private label brand, it’s only sold by Casual Male.
Him: I don’t believe that’s the case, sir.  Many of brands can be found in other retailers at considerably higher brands
Me: Yes, maybe Izod, Hugo Boss, Dockers are but Inner Harbor is only found in Casual Male.
Him: The only way I could verify that is if it the item says Casual Male on it.
Me: It does! It’s Inner Harbor… *sigh, leave with head down sulking in the rain*Because we all know how more of Route 66 jeans would be sold if instead of the embossed leather hind-panel instead they had a big fuckin’ plastic K stapled to the back pocket that said “For Trailer Trash, by Trailer Trash” or if Aldi’s Olympia brand instead said “Aldi’s, we’re European, biotch!”

Casual Male has always been my clothier of last resort due to their prices and odd locations but a few months back when I purchased a shirt under considerable duress they were the only game in town.  Shortly after purchasing the shirt developed a very clear rip along the seaming of the shoulder, something very difficult to due unless you’re going Bruce Banner on the damn thing.  I attempted to return it for a replacement today and was rebuffed when I couldn’t prove it was from Casual Male:
Me: But it’s from your store
Him: I’m sorry, sir.  But without a receipt we’re not certain it didn’t come from another retailer
Me: Inner Harbor is a private label brand, it’s only sold by Casual Male.
Him: I don’t believe that’s the case, sir.  Many of brands can be found in other retailers at considerably higher brands
Me: Yes, maybe Izod, Hugo Boss, Dockers are but Inner Harbor is only found in Casual Male.
Him: The only way I could verify that is if it the item says Casual Male on it.
Me: It does! It’s Inner Harbor… *sigh, leave with head down sulking in the rain*Because we all know how more of Route 66 jeans would be sold if instead of the embossed leather hind-panel instead they had a big fuckin’ plastic K stapled to the back pocket that said “For Trailer Trash, by Trailer Trash” or if Aldi’s Olympia brand instead said “Aldi’s, we’re European, biotch!”