My father’s recently shifted his TV watching patterns away from “Hitler’s Secret Wizard Coven” to “Wipe Out”.  I first thought this was a bad thing, on review it’s caused some positive changes.

1) My dad’s learned how to use the DVR
2) He laughs more
3) I no longer deal with Tim Taylor-esque pidgins of things like “did you know that at Gaudalcanal captured GIs created a Gatling gun that used weasel teeth as ammunition?”

I’m most excited about the first as if this trend continues I look forward to showing my dad how to use BitTorrent to get back episodes of Takeshi’s Castle.

Tennessee has taken a no holds barred approach to construction, blasting through what appear to be small hills that could have easily been built over (from my non-expert eye) which has created wonderful views of rock strata that would normally be obscured by grass.  Tennessee’s geology is light on monoliths leading to a step-wise appearance to the rock face which explains the number of rock warning signs.  These fall into three categories which I think go in increasing severity:

  • Watch for fallen rocks
  • Watch for falling rocks
  • Falling rocks

The determinism of the last is a bit scary but after seeing what appeared to be little boulder families trying to cross the road I learned the resignation of the safety officer resigned to the inevitabilities of the hubris of construction.

Another road attraction was driving through Knoxville and seeing the glorious golden sunsphere.

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As majestic as The Simpsons said it was.

I really knew nothing about Danakin/Daniel Lackey before meeting him except that he was the friend of Bakkster/Andrew and his wife was… unenthusiastic about the prospect of having a strange man in the house.  I think Andrew’s encomium helped overcome this and the bond was sealed when I called her a “smelly pirate hooker” at dinner.

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Dan and Jill, no longer fearful of my presence (or good acting)

They were polite enough to let me do three loads of laundry and my efforts to separate the whites from coloreds came easily as I was in the South *rimshot*.  We broke the ice watching back episodes of ESPN’s Cheap Seats which I think is a show offered on what’s called a television.  It’s like a computer monitor except that you have a much narrower choice of options and the quality is slightly above that of YouTube.  Additionally, new content appears to be generated at specific times rather than continuously and the action is disrupted by 2 minute pop-up ads 5-7 times an hour.  It was fascinating.

Clarksville had recently flooded and on our way to dinner we surveyed the damage before eating  at a local brew pub.  The meal was fine but the restaurant hosted quite possibly the worst restroom I’ve ever used.  There was a 1.5″ gap between the stall door frame and the wall and urinals were situated such that just about everyone using one got to see my junk.  Also, the toilet was mis-seated so when a man of my… carriage sat on it water slowly leaked out the bottom resulting in a pants stain that made it look like I lost a rodeo competition to a fire hose.  My shirt tail was long enough to largely cover this but without the shaping power of my belt, I looked like a transvestite pear in a house dress.  Hazaa!

My pants were largely dry by the end of The Amazing Race which we re-wetted by Jill’s tears at her sadness when the gay brothers beat out the cowboys to the finish.  I faded off to sleep after more “television” this time by monitoring British automobile idiosyncratically on Top Gear.  This TV stuff can be quite entertaining, I hope it catches on.

The technician returned today ready to do the install.  By “ready” I mean “lacking the basic tools do the job” and “do the install” I mean “ask me repeatedly to help him”.  He was about 5’6″ and completely incapable of accessing the cabling in our drop ceiling so every time he had to thread something I was the one on the stool.  I should have just grabbed him by the legs and shoved him into the ceiling.  During the process, he did discover that the previous wiring job was done via Narnia as there was a wall where two cables went in and three went out.

During the process I learned that the term “drop ceiling” comes from “droupe sheallang”  which is old English for “place where mice poop”.

At least my dad has The History Channel in time to see “Grover Cleveland and the Occult: The Nazi Diaries” or what ever tripe pseudohistory they’re peddling.

For the first time in a while, one of our tenants was just sitting in the kitchen watching television.  Not moving tons of freight in the darkness of night or smuggling diamonds but just sitting there.  So I pounced:

Me: What do you do for fun?
Him: Well.  I enjoy time with friends, and dancing, and skiing, and horseback riding, and snorkeling, and kissing a beautiful woman, and dirt biking, and motocross, and camping, and slip n’ slides, yes, a good slip and slide, and jai alai, and motor boating, and exploring caves, and imported beer.
Me: Wow, you’re interests are quite varied.
Him: I am.

He later told me he was just listing things happening in the stream of commercials he’d been watching.  Touche, sir, touche.