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A night’s rest was replaced with what only felt like a long nap so I went into work at 3 AM feeling a bit peckish.  I stopped for a sandwich on the way and chose the simple divinity of the 6″ meatball sandwich which was under the auspices of Wawa’s Hoagiefest promotion.  On checkout, the price was incorrect:

Me: I don’t think this is the right rate for this sandwich.  The signage says $3.49, this says $4.25.
Cashier: Hm… I don’t know, let me ask my manager. *asks manager*
Manager: Ok, sir.  Just stay with us and we’ll fix it. *stares at receipt*  It’s tax.  It’s a prepared food, there’s tax.  It’s tax.
Me: That doesn’t make sense, that’d imply that New Jersey had a 25% tax [I goofed, 21%] on food.
Manager: Sir, please stay calm.  I’m just trying to think.  The promotions change on Thursdays, maybe it’s no longer covered and we have to take the sign down.
Me: Well, the sandwich is actually covered by both the expiring and newly incoming deal, so that doesn’t make sense.  Can you give me a soft pretzel and we’ll call it square?
Manager: We don’t want to do anything rash like that.  We’ll reverse the charge, manually plug in the cost, and you’ll get your 75 cents.  Stupid technology, always slowing things down.
Me: I’d say on balance, technology is pretty awesome.
Manager: *narrows eyes* You wouldn’t remember.

How do these people escape into public and why is it that I seem to find all of them?

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Normally I prepare enough icing for my carrot cakes such that I can make one cut, ice two layers and have enough that my dad, brother, dog, cat, and brother’s girlfriend can each take a massive fingerful of the whipped cream cheese icing.

I prepared a cake tonight for work as I’d never bake a proper “congradulations, you shot out a baby” cake for coworker’s now six-month old (I was busy) but at 2 AM there’s few beaterlickers about.  There’s a ridiculous amount of icing on the cake.  I could have easily iced a 3rd layer or possibly another cake.  There’s a spot where it’s an inch deep.  It’s more like someone made an icing cake and dumped a carrot cake on it.  I did some work to try and make it less obvious so there’s a slight shelf where the icing extends beyond the cake forming either an icing overhang or an icing hat, depending on your vantage.  I left the cake out, homing my cat would go to town on it, no dice.  With a pound of cream cheese, 2/3 pound of sugar and a fresh stick of butter I may be responsible for either killing, or inducing diabetes in several of my coworkers.

Bonus Story:  My cake recipe involves about 200 grams of whole vanilla yogurt which I thought I had.  Well, having what is vanilla yogurt and having what was vanilla yogurt and is now an affront to both a just and loving God and baking soda is another.  I went to Wawa to get some yogurt and they had no whole or low fat vanilla yogurt, just non-fat which uses artificial sweeteners that taste like burning tires post-baking.  I grabbed a 230 g container of peach fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt and proceded to checkout, where the checkout agent put it in a bag.  I was so dumbfounded that my single serving of yogurt received a bag, I didn’t object like I normally do.

I go home, and start spooning out the yogurt and hit the peach part with only 180 grams of usable yogurt.  I’m not going back to Wawa to purchase another single serving of yogurt so I look around for a yogurt substitute.  I wondering if any of my coworkers will identify the 20 grams of mayonnaise in the carrot cake.

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I was at Wawa today stocking up on a weekend worth of sandwiches.  While waiting for my sandwiches I decided to browse through the ingredients of the various flavored milks and upon opening the door heard the deep baritone of James Earl Jones reading the New Testament played off of a boom box.

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I did my monthly soda run yesterday and no longer needed to use my morning coffee voucher to get diet cola, so I got the French Vanilla girly coffee which I’m delighted to have found punishes neither my colon nor rectum.   Dashing for the train, the coffee was left ignore.

Hours later I returned remembering the coffee and eyeing up its semi-warmness but waited.  I dumped the coffee into a cup and started adding cherry cola and took a swig.

Flavor: Remember those little cherry stickers you got in 3rd grade that had little smiling cherries on them?  Imagine there was also a smiling coffee bean sticker that practiced sticker cannibalism and bit the cherry, and then you drunk his urine.  Same flavor, same temperature, although the effect dropped as the soda fraction jumped.  I doubt anthropomorphic fruit-stickers have carbonated urine, but they may, they’re anthropomorphic fruit-stickers.

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Dun dun dun….  4:00 AM while lacquering my atlatls, inspiration.

I walked confidently to coffee island, grabbed the 20 oz cup and walk to the gaiye coffee dispenser.  I hit the Surpresso Espresso or what ever it’s called button for 4 seconds and release.  I walk another 6 feet to the right, and place my cup under the diet Coke dispenser and press the button for 7 seconds.  COKE KONA!  I saunter to the register and proudly purchase my combo.  I didn’t shit for another 7 hours (which is normal for me), I WIN!

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I usually purchase a breakfast sandwich on the way into work/school for 2.11 plus tax and use that as my breakfast fortified with whatever I can find in work.  But lately Wawa’s been running a promotion where any breakfast sandwich and any sized coffee is 1.99, cheaper than the sandwich alone so I’ve taken to getting coffee.

Recently though, the coffee has given me terrible diarrhea and the following’s resulted:
Coworker: Every morning at about 8:00 Am you seem to go.
Me: Yeah.
Coworker: Do you have a high fiber breakfast or something?
Me: No, I’ve been getting free Wawa coffee, in fact better than free but Wawa coffee gives me terrible diarrhea.
Coworker: So why don’t you stop drinking it?
Me: Then I’d feel I wasted it.
Coworker: So why don’t you stop getting it then?
Me: But, it’s free.

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I usually purchase a breakfast sandwich on the way into work/school for 2.11 plus tax and use that as my breakfast fortified with whatever I can find in work.  But lately Wawa’s been running a promotion where any breakfast sandwich and any sized coffee is 1.99, cheaper than the sandwich alone so I’ve taken to getting coffee.

Recently though, the coffee has given me terrible diarrhea and the following’s resulted:
Coworker: Every morning at about 8:00 Am you seem to go.
Me: Yeah.
Coworker: Do you have a high fiber breakfast or something?
Me: No, I’ve been getting free Wawa coffee, in fact better than free but Wawa coffee gives me terrible diarrhea.
Coworker: So why don’t you stop drinking it?
Me: Then I’d feel I wasted it.
Coworker: So why don’t you stop getting it then?
Me: But, it’s free.

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The PTQ saw me as the designated driver to do the Wawa run for lunch.  I assembled the food for the five of us and as I approached the counter to pay the attendent said “hungry?” in that funny way that both recognized that I was shopping for multiple people and called me fat.  After moving the 5 sandwiches, 2 cups of soup, 3 gallons of beverage, and 3 pieces of fruit next to the register, I grabbed by gut and responsed “I am buying for five.”  I think there was about a 60% chance based on the look on her face that she thought I was pregnant.