I’ve scanned big paper and got quite good at it, now I’m starting a new project as a time filler until the new real project that involves scanning starts. It’s scanning little drawings! 8 x 11! And unlike the 1st project where I had to scan 3500 drawings, and the 2nd project where I had to rename 2535 drawings, now I only have to scan 48 linear feet of stacked paper. W0000000!
Tag: work
Next Project Mystery Revealed
I’m nearing the end of my current project and was signed on for another month to finish another project but everyone I’ve talked to either doesn’t know anything about it or “doesn’t think they can tell me”. Really? We work on poop bags, our definition of Top Secret is slightly different than most people. Things started appearing on my desk for me to review ranging from software manuals to supercomputer specs to patent applications and the person who was going to help me on the project described it as “completely different”. Today, after months of scanning and folding and then months of relabelling, I found out what my new job will be: Scanning a drawing, folding it, and then turning it into a CAD drawing so I can relabel it. Brave new worlds.
Guerrilla Upgrades
My previous reasonably nice PC at work was taken for a validation process that requires four identical computers to the point that one candidate PC was rejected its RAM having come from two different lots. So my 3.2 GHz Xeon was replaced with something having a 1/3 the processing power, 1/2 the RAM and a video card that could maybe power Q*bert. The low RAM’s killing me as I normally leave an instance of Firefox open as well as each of the programs I use in my workflow and it chokes if open an instance of Notepad beyond that. I’m seriously considering breaking into my bosses office, stealing the case key, installing an extra gig of RAM and installing my spare NVidia 7900.  Could I be fired for improving the assets at work?
Boss: Terry, we’re going to let you go for messing with company property
Me: But everything I did improved my throughput.
Boss: You think you can just waltz into your workplace and increase your productivity? We live in a society of laws, Mr. Robinson.
Although that’d be an awesome interview story “why were you fired from your last position?”, “I was too efficient”. Although that comes close to the phenomenon of “what’s your biggest handicap?”, “I work too hard” or “I don’t let go until everything’s perfect”. Boy does that anger me. Should I ever encounter that as an interviewer I’d reject them for failing to understand the word “handicap” and thus not meet workplace communication standards.
Best Parking Spot
A benefit of early arrival at work is that I get my pick of parking spots. Today, I arrived at around 4 AM after the lot had been plowed but not yet salted and was completely unable to make out any of the painted lines defining the spots. I went so far as to park, get out, and start hacking at the thin layer of ice with the tip of an umbrella to try to find a line with no success. So, I tried reparking in what I thought was my usual spot in the front row, as a pull through, second from the left which I think is the best spot in the lot. I got out, eyeballed it and went about my day. When I left around noon the ice had melted and the parking lines became clear: I truly did get the best four spots in the parking lot.
Calendar Victory Streak
On Fridays I attempt both the Friday and Saturday Scrabble Calendar puzzle and today I solved both correctly:
Provide three anagrams for SERIF that end in S (fries, fires, reifs)
And another where I needed to make a seven letter word with the rack given (AEIIRTZ) and a free S, (SATIRIZE)
Which prompted the following:
Boss: Terry, is everything ok?
Me: Yeah, why?
Boss: On my way out earlier I saw you yelling “IN YOUR FACE!” at your desk and wanted to make sure there wasn’t a problem.
Far from, I look forward to remembering my ignorance come Tuesday when I have three days worth of fail to endure.
Personal Supercomputer
My boss asked me about modern graphics cards for a bit and we talked about how GPUs and CPUs had diverged and what way each is optimized for. He asked me to look into nVidia’s entry-level supercomputers and I reported to him. He said there’s a possibility we’d get one to speed up rendering drawings and asked if I could help set it up and test it.
Dear God, please make this happen before I leave. If we get this, and I can test our supercomputer with a Folding@Home install, I will get soooo many F@H points I could finally cash them all in and get that Red Rider BB gun, and with 4 cards with 240 streaming cores each, I might finally get more than 24 FPS in Crysis.
1 Egg + flour + (various) = Pie!
Mondays are baked goods days at work. Not because of some company policies but because I brought in baked goods four Mondays in a row and that broke the repetition barrier required for something to become a tradition. It was 1 AM on Monday and thought I’d go for the reliable pineapple upside-down cake but I only had 1 egg. So I decided to make a Various Pie containing:
- 1/2 of an expired instant pie crust
- 2 apples past their prime
- 1 packet caramel brownie covering
- A lump of brown sugar of near-diamond hardness
- 1 stick of unsalted butter
- 1 can Lucky Leaf apple filling
Using the maxims of “if all else fails add butter” and “if all else fails add sugar” (does not apply to grilling) I think I made a passable pie. Someone said it was a bit smoother than normal; that was probably the caramel filling and “over ripe” apples. I need to find a way to keep an emergency stock of eggs a la “In Case of Emergency Break Glass” kinda way. I Googled “freezing eggs” and learned quite a bit about the cryonics of preserving human ova, sadly they’re far too small to cook with.
The Fat Factor
Coworker: Well, how many pizzas should we have for the meeting?
Coworker #2: Normally, 5 feeds the core group.
Coworker: Does that include the guy that transferred from R&D?
Coworker #2: No.
Coworker: Seven it is.
Normally I can confidently crush 3/4 of a pie at work, but somehow the person thought that my appetite would spur further consumption through either imitation or diffused fatness.
Brownie Intimidation
The brownie as a tool of office diplomacy has long been in my arsenal. I missed two days of work without appropriately notifying my bosses and the last hints of angst were dismissed over a week-old brownie created during the Great Guest Exodus of New Years Eve. But the brownie can be used for a more sinister purpose, intimidation.
Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Sure, I’ll take a piece.
Me: Oh, that’s it. I thought you’d said you’d take a piece. Not a crumb.
Coworker: Hey, I just had lunch.
Me: And you need a quality confection to top it off. The portion you took is like a shot of beer, insulting to the drinker and the bartender.
Coworker:Â Ok…. I’ll be back later to get the rest.
Me: No! You’ll be back now to get the rest. Get in there, and take a slice.
Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Yes, I’d love some, thank you. I really like brownies.
Me: Oh, so that’s how you show your love? With what appears to be a portion the size of mice leavings?
Coworker: I just started a new diet.
Me: The first three letters tell you all you need to know “DIE”. Are you trying to kill your tastebuds?
Coworker: I’ll try more.
Me: Try? Do or do not. There is no try.
Coworker: Ok…. *cuts larger slice*
Me: I’m going to check back with you later to see if you finished it.
Who new baked goods could be such precise tools of demasculation? Next week: Decimating self image with coffee crumb lemon bars.
Brownie Intimidation
The brownie as a tool of office diplomacy has long been in my arsenal. I missed two days of work without appropriately notifying my bosses and the last hints of angst were dismissed over a week-old brownie created during the Great Guest Exodus of New Years Eve. But the brownie can be used for a more sinister purpose, intimidation.
Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Sure, I’ll take a piece.
Me: Oh, that’s it. I thought you’d said you’d take a piece. Not a crumb.
Coworker: Hey, I just had lunch.
Me: And you need a quality confection to top it off. The portion you took is like a shot of beer, insulting to the drinker and the bartender.
Coworker:Â Ok…. I’ll be back later to get the rest.
Me: No! You’ll be back now to get the rest. Get in there, and take a slice.
Me: Would you like a piece?
Coworker: Yes, I’d love some, thank you. I really like brownies.
Me: Oh, so that’s how you show your love? With what appears to be a portion the size of mice leavings?
Coworker: I just started a new diet.
Me: The first three letters tell you all you need to know “DIE”. Are you trying to kill your tastebuds?
Coworker: I’ll try more.
Me: Try? Do or do not. There is no try.
Coworker: Ok…. *cuts larger slice*
Me: I’m going to check back with you later to see if you finished it.
Who new baked goods could be such precise tools of demasculation? Next week: Decimating self image with coffee crumb lemon bars.