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I donated to Wikipedia.org today.  This was my first venture into microphilanthropy and it was far more absolving than any penance the Catholic Church ever issued upon me.  Every act of arrogance and wrongness I performed was unimportant.  I cut someone off, but it didn’t matter, I donated to wikipedia.  I cursed in front of minors, but it didn’t matter, I donated to wikipedia.  I insulted the competence of a store clerk, but it didn’t matter, I donated to wikipedia.  I punched a nun while intoxicated, but it didn’t matter, I donated to wikipedia.  Donating to wikipedia has become my secular form of indulgences.  I hope that defense stands up in a court of law.

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Today I learned the harsh sting of humility in the face of jerky-making hubris.  I was talking to another staff member whose father hunts deer and mentioned that he wished he could preserve venison.  I mentioned that I thought myself skilled at creating beef jerky, to which he asked if I’d done deer jerky before and I replied “No, but I’m willing to jerk anyone’s meat”.  Note to self: Watch out for double entendres when discussing food preservation.

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I’ve found that the only time I was able to sustain reasonable levels of exercise was the brief period of time between discovering and fixing a broken treadmill and it dying in glorious battle against me (sadly, I won so we both lost) and went ot Sears to see what they in terms of treadmills.  I spoke with middle-aged salesman and non-chalantly asked if they had a treadmill with exceptional sturdiness and he directed me towards this beast.   It looked impressive (and pricy) and I mentioned that it had a much wider belt than most and that I liked that, to which he replied “yeah, it was originally so people could walk their dog on a treadmill”.  Great, I’m going to get a treadmill large enough that an entire family of Mexican illegal immigrants could use it to endurance train for a trek across the Sonoran desert.

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If you’ve driven in a car with me over the past year I’ve taken to driving with a glass of water or diet soda in my non-wheel hand and tonight, as I was driving Nick to the Lodge Executive Board meeting we came upon a police vehicle that looked like it was periodically stopping people.  As we inched closer, I thought I might have a problem in that I was drinking a dark colored beverage out of a Samuel Adams Glass, in a car with a youth both in the Boy Scout Uniform, in a car with series of dents in it and the back filled with empty beer cans and bottles for recycling that I had forgotten to put at the curb.  As we approached the cop, I was relieved to realize it was only a 3 car accident at a cross street at the cop had to park off to the side due to all the emergency rescue vehicles.

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My brother decided to test out the NordicTrac I found on Craigslist and gave him this Christmas. I warned him that the motion require was initially awkward and I left to avoid the cries of pain and angst that would flow from my room. 10 minutes, I returned to my brother yelling “I got it!” Which was true, in a sense, normally the pose one takes is something like this. He was using it like this.
ryanskier

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I WON CHRISTMAS!  How?  Every year my brother and I have a gift giving duel over my father, he being or provider we kinda go nuts.  I planned this time, staked out deals during Black Friday, took out extra money as a “student loan” and today I struck.  We began with small arms, wallet, he returned with BB gun ammo.  I escalated to shoes and two pair of jeans and he returned with a BB gun.  Then the big guns, he presented a new slip differential cover and he looked at me cockily when the paper came off the 20″ LCD TV FOR THE KITCHEN!!!  Now he can watch Victory at Sea and other 1950s movies in colors that hadn’t been invented yet.  And with that, I proved that I was a better son by spending more money.  If money can’t buy love, what can?

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While waiting in the customer pick up area of CircuitCity I walked into a discussion between a women and a stock agent.  She wanted the original box and the man went into the stockroom and returned saying the original box wasn’t available.  She asked for the original packaging, the stock agent once again entered the stockroom and returned saying that wasn’t available.  The women asked for another box and the stock agent went into the back and as the stock agent came back saying he found the box bringing with him a dolly to move the TV, the women told the man she didn’t want the box. As he returned to the stock room he left the dolly accidentally preventing the door from closing and yelled “the bitch didn’t want the fuckin’ box” not aware the door was open.  Now that’s customer service.