I discovered that Bill Mischke may be a normal person.
Bill: You’ll go through a box of Honey Bunches of Oats and pick out the little nut clustery things.
Ellen: Shut up! *Sits on Bill in an attempt to silence him*
Bill: What are you trying to do to me?
Ellen: Shut up!  The only reason you know that is because I caught you with a box of cereal emptied out on the table trying to find the same brown clusters.
Bill:  And if you didn’t steal them I wouldn’t have to.
Ellen: Buy your own!
If only this was covered in Family Life Merit Badge.