- The middle seat of a minivan is usually roomier than the front seat if the vehicle was built before 2005.
- Ask anyone going on a long trip if the have bowel problems first, if so give them diapers and ban them from approaching soda machines.
- Never insult the driver, even if he can’t hear you yell at him to avoid the car in the next lane because he has earbuds in.
- Hardee’s makes a great burger, and if it’s your first time, a wonderful solid Draino.
- If they have a big collection of cards, they’re probably fat, if they have good points, they’re probably pale, if they refuse to identify themselves, they’re probably that dick from the forums.
- Never have the last waffle made before the batter is changed at a motel breakfast bar.
- Red Lobster is just nice enough that poor people dress up to go there, like I did as a kid going to the Ground Round.
- Love handles block A/C vents.
- Driving at 85 but stopping every hour to pee or get gas averages out to above 65.
- Chicago has 80 cent tolls. Yep, you heard me, 80 cent tolls. I’ve never left a city with more dimes.
- Two people who are both light sleepers and snore should not share a room.
- Never insult the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Never hit on the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Never hit the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
- Chicago apparently puts it fountains in bathrooms (broken urinal) while Philly puts them in park squares.
- The driver should not be allowed to participate in the time honored game of holding your breath through a tunnel if the tunnel is more than a mile long…. or there’s traffic.
Pictures coming soon.