Chicago Travel Notes

  1. The middle seat of a minivan is usually roomier than the front seat if the vehicle was built before 2005.
  2. Ask anyone going on a long trip if the have bowel problems first, if so give them diapers and ban them from approaching soda machines.
  3. Never insult the driver, even if he can’t hear you yell at him to avoid the car in the next lane because he has earbuds in.
  4. Hardee’s makes a great burger, and if it’s your first time, a wonderful solid Draino.
  5. If they have a big collection of cards, they’re probably fat, if they have good points, they’re probably pale, if they refuse to identify themselves, they’re probably that dick from the forums.
  6. Never have the last waffle made before the batter is changed at a motel breakfast bar.
  7. Red Lobster is just nice enough that poor people dress up to go there, like I did as a kid going to the Ground Round.
  8. Love handles block A/C vents.
  9. Driving at 85 but stopping every hour to pee or get gas averages out to above 65.
  10. Chicago has 80 cent tolls.  Yep, you heard me, 80 cent tolls.  I’ve never left a city with more dimes.
  11. Two people who are both light sleepers and snore should not share a room.
  12. Never insult the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  13. Never hit on the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  14. Never hit the tournament organizer’s girlfriend.
  15. Chicago apparently puts it fountains in bathrooms (broken urinal) while Philly puts them in park squares.
  16. The driver should not be allowed to participate in the time honored game of holding your breath through a tunnel if the tunnel is more than a mile long…. or there’s traffic.

Pictures coming soon.